RECOILMAG.COM
NEWS SATIRE YOU CAN TRUST recoil Bowels still
Electronic highway sign too depressed to talk about traffic right now
Mood swings
Pregnant woman now bitching for two
Exploratory committee to go find out what the hell is going on
considering move Las Vegas, Nev. – Medical experts as well as organs within the gastrointestinal tract of Las Vegas resident Neil Davis reported Tuesday that Davis’ bowels – which have been putting off making a firm commitment to relocate waste material for nearly three days – are still considering exactly when will be the appropriate time to move. “The bowels are hard to get a good read on the exact reason for such a hesitation,” said Dr. Morgan Armstrong, who consulted Davis regarding his digestive system’s indecisiveness to commit to what it knows must eventually happen. “Sure, there are a number of organs that have some say in this matter, but these decisions ultimately come down to the small intestine’s willingness to sign off on the order to relax the anal sphincter, so we can just up and move already,” said Davis’ stomach, which has recently been putting increased pressure on the small intestine to commit to moving as quickly as possible. “Until ‘Smalls’ is on board the act is kind of ‘tied up in committee.’ And, of course, it doesn’t help that the small intestine has a history of bipolar disorder; it can be a stubborn, procrastinating little bastard one day, and then be real irritable and excitable the next – like you’re working with an entirely different organ.”
quikSTAT
• ’Caine Wagon • U.S.S. Probably Unsinkable • There’s A Tube In The Throat Of The Elderly Man In The Hospital Bed On The Frog In The Log In The Hole Of The Bottom Of The Sea • H.M.S No Lifeboats • The Jettison Everything Or We’re Doomed • S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald v2.0 • Titanenburg
Worst ship names Above: A police surveilance photo of the suspect taken moments before his arrest.
Adult ghost going through aſter-life crisis
Newport, R.I. – An afterlife consultant confirmed Friday that the lingering spirit of Daryl Riley, a deceased neurotic investment banker whose middle years of mortal life had been plagued by a sense of the passing of his youth and the imminence of old age, and regret regarding past career and personal decisions, is currently exhibiting telltale
symptoms
of experiencing an after-life crisis while haunting his former Newport home. “Daryl’s behavior
down in the dumps like this for another millennium or two while Daryl faces bouts of dramatic self-doubt regarding his place in the afterworld.” Gatrivani’s services were contracted
“His spirit could be kind of down in the dumps like this for another millennium or
in the eternal realm suggests that he’s been struck by the realization that he’s not going to not be alive forever, and is going through what is commonly referred to as an after-life crisis,” said Michelle Gatrivani, a medium hired by Riley’s widow to communicate with her departed spouse. “It’s a phase he’ll probably snap out of eventually, but his spirit could be kind of
after Amanda Riley, Daryl’s wife for 42 years, became concerned about recent changes in the behavior of her husband’s ghost, who has routinely haunted their family home since dying of brain cancer at age 68 three years ago.
two while Daryl faces bouts of dramatic self-doubt regarding his place in the afterworld.”
“One thing about
Daryl, he was never much of a night owl – except for when he was going through a mid-
life crisis in his late forties, when he would often stay up pacing the upstairs hallway until the wee hours, just like his ghost started doing last week,” said Amanda Riley, noting that she’d previously only heard the haunting footsteps of her husband’s ghost during early evening.
see GHOST page 92 Line between hip-hop videos and soſt-core porn continuing to blur
core pornography and excerpts from many current hip-hop music videos is continuing to become less and less discernable. “Music video channels such as MTV, BET
Above: Footage from the music video for the Ron Browz (leſt) song “Exhibit Harlem,” which clearly resembles scenes from numerous soſt-core pornography films.
Hollywood, Calif. – Officials charged with governing American television
broadcasts voiced their continuing concern that the difference between soft-
and FUSE are willingly airing hip-hop videos which contain increasingly strong implied and explicit sexual content – footage which not long ago would have been banned by such organizations,” said Deborah Pallas, head of the TV Parental Guidelines Monitoring Board, a group appointed by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). “If content standards are not more closely monitored, scrutinized and controlled, viewers will soon have trouble telling the difference between an R. Kelly music
video and a segment from Girls Gone Wild.” Pallas went on to suggest that many
musical acts often resort to creating sexually explicit videos to “make up for weak songwriting.” “Music labels perhaps feel pressured
“Viewers will soon have
trouble telling the difference between an R. Kelly music video and a segment from Girls Gone Wild,” said Pallas.
into covering up a poor song by focusing on the visuals of half- naked women getting their rear ends smacked in order to captivate viewer attention,” said Pallas. “Just like soft-core pornographic filmmakers do in order to
cover up ridiculous plotlines and sterily delivered dialogue.” MTV spokesman Milo Alexander argued Monday that the more controversial see PORN page 92
page 89
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100 |
Page 101 |
Page 102 |
Page 103 |
Page 104 |
Page 105 |
Page 106 |
Page 107 |
Page 108 |
Page 109