TREND from page 29
discharged. “Holding your gun sideways had become
so cliché that it forced modern hoods to invent a flashier gimmick,” wrote freelancer Marian Ayood in Handguns’ recent cover story entitled “Better To Look Good Tan To Shoot Good.” “During the last three months, holding a firearm completely upside-down has become the predominant method used by today’s gangstas whom, as they say, ‘be fixin’ to bust a cap in [a person’s] dome.’” Te article went on to reiterate statistics
from the National Archive of Criminal Justice Data, which documented September of last year to have tallied the lowest record of shooting fatalities for men between the ages of 14-35 since 1990. “Te number of gang-related altercations
involving gunplay has remained steady in most metropolitan areas of the country, but the rate of deaths resulting from these shootings dropped fourteen percent last quarter,” wrote Ayoob. “Tese statistics clearly indicate that the bullets are not hitting their intended targets – for what seems like the obvious reasons.” Ayoob also cited studies by ballistic
experts at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, which estimate employing the unorthodox handgun
that
Above: Results from University of Michigan shooting accuracy tests.
while it is upside-down. “A gangsta utilizing the
sideways,
Tis significant decrease in accuracy results from attempting to shoot the weapon while it is upside-down.
shooting technique can reduce a subject’s short-range accuracy by as much as 80 percent. U of M researchers
said that EDITORIAL What can I rub my face against next?
In between naps and bouts of tail chasing, I have been rubbing my face
– the thrilling ‘rub’ can indeed become a half-hearted ‘brush-against.’ It all seems rather blasé. What in this apartment can I rub my face on next? Wait! Te nice lady who lives here from
dusk until dawn, who serves me meals and showers me with affection, has just arrived. I can hear her keys jingling in the door! Now is when the serious, skillful rubbing begins in earnest. I quickly preen, and then trot to
By Martha
with varying degrees of intensity on assorted household furniture and other items all day. Now, with the sun withdrawing from its daily perch, I find myself wearying of the game. Assuredly, it’s a great hobby, but aſter you’ve rubbed your face on every available projection, when your whiskers are intimately familiar with every texture in every room of the domicile – from fuzzy pink bunny slippers to cold, metal floor lamps
page 30
the entrance so as to meet her just as she opens the door. She walks in with a sigh of pleasure, drops the beribboned package she is holding onto the nearest
chair, and walks swiſtly
toward the bathroom. As she walks, I sinuously weave my body in between her feet, rubbing my face briskly on each of her ankles as they flash by. She stumbles and yells in admiration at my skilled maneuvering. She physically sets me near the plant stand in the hall, which I immediately rub my face against. I hear the toilet flush, which reminds me of the situation at hand. Rubbing. I
leave the hall, only detouring slightly to rub my face on the nice lady’s discarded shoe, the ribbons hanging from the package on the chair, the leg of the same chair, and the kitchen wastebasket. Ten I see that the pantry door is open, and I slip inside. What a treasure trove of rub-worthy items! Cans of tunafish: rub. Paper grocery bags: rub, and a bonus bunch of rustling noises. Boxes of pasta:
rubbing, I play along, and affectionately rub my face against her teeth. It appears that some of the recently devoured canned food that stuck to my whiskers has smeared across her cheek. Speechless with joy, she sets me on a kitchen chair and goes into the bathroom again. I hear water running, and excitedly I
Now is when the serious, skillful rubbing begins in earnest.
rub. Mop handle: rub. Broom straws: rub. Rolls of wrapping paper: rub, and also an extended round of sniffing, because the wrapping paper smells interestingly of some other creature, perhaps a mouse. Upon further sniff, I rule otherwise. Te lady picks me up and holds
me against her shoulder. I take the opportunity to rub my face heartily against her eyeglasses, knocking them askew. When she opens her mouth to shout in happy surprise at my playful
follow her – she has turned the faucet on for me again. I jump to the counter and try to rub my face against the stream of water, then I remember that water – along with curling irons, open oven doors, and sharp pencils – are not items intended for rubbing. I instead drink deeply from the flowing stream, then rub my face against the nice lady’s
toothbrush, which she has presented for my ministrations. She snorts, gleefully, and elbows me, as if we’ve just shared a good joke. She makes the water very hot and runs her toothbrush under it before putting it away. I am so glad the nice lady appreciates
all of the rubbing that I do. Feeling newly invigorated, I venture back out into the main area and again pose the perplexing conundrum: what can I rub my face on next?
this
significant decrease in accuracy results from attempting to shoot the weapon
ninety-degree shooting method generally experiences only an accuracy loss of roughly twenty percent,” said Dr. Keith Marcus. “But the shooter loses tremendous accuracy when the gun is turned an additional ninety
degrees. With the
sideways method you could still use the sights
to aim. Upside-
down, you have to pretty much just guestimate [when aiming]. And having to use your pinky to operate the trigger certainly doesn’t help.” Marcus added that a shooter’s accuracy is further reduced if the shooter is either
running from police or trying to take a picture of himself with his phone while shooting. Still, Ayoob contends, more and more
gangstas area becoming willing to sacrifice accuracy in return for aesthetic rewards. “What the shooter loses in accuracy
and the ability to fire consecutive rounds quickly, he more than makes up for in presenting himself with a more ‘badass’ appearance,” wrote Ayoob. “Polls indicate that thugs consider how you be representin’ to be just as important as how you be shootin’.” Ayoob said that Americans can expect the number of shooting fatalities to
continue to drop as the flamboyant attack pose gains further popularity among the public. “Right now, mostly only gangstas in the
inner cities are employing the ‘one-eighty cock,’ as many are calling it,” said Ayoob. “As soon as the entertainment media gets wind that holding the gun upside-down is the ‘shizzle’ cool way to fire off a cap, you’ll be seeing it in all of the movies and television shows.” Added Ayoob: “Just wait until the next
50 Cent [movie] character blows away a rival gang member using that one-eighty cock. Everyone will start shooting that way. Morgues across the country will probably start going out of business.”
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