RECOILMAG.COM


NEWS SATIRE YOU CAN TRUST recoil


Report: Binge drinking reaches dangerous lows during college breaks


Above: Popular college taverns such as University of Wisconsin hotspot McGruder’s Pub (above) struggle to stay in business during college breaks, when binge drinking suffers a significant reduction.


Los Angeles, Calif. – According to a recent 20-college study conducted by researchers at UCLA, binge drinking, which is universally acknowledged as the most serious problem plaguing college campuses, can reach dangerous lows during college breaks. “While class is in session, as much forty-four percent of


as the college


population engages regularly in binge drinking, which pretty much everyone agrees is a big number,” said Tomas Walters, lead researcher on the two-year study. “But during Christmas or spring breaks, or during the summer, there are considerably less people on campus. So even if, say, seventy or eighty percent of the remaining youths are routinely consuming toxic amounts of alcohol in proportionately small timeframes, that’s still a very, very small amount of binge drinking going on.”


Results of the study show that a


college such as UCLA, with an annual enrollment of approximately 36,000, may have as few as 50 to 60 students actively binge drinking during scheduled breaks in course schedules. “Tere are always a few diehards who


UCLA may have as few as 50 to 60 students actively binge drinking during scheduled breaks in course schedules.


don’t have jobs or anything better to do than remain on campus during breaks and continue to binge drink,” said Walters. “Te good news here is that oſten these stragglers will binge


drink on an


even more regular basis because of their general lack of other commitments such as attending class or studying.”


see BINGE page 83


Above: Te October cover of Living magazine. Tis special prison docrating issue features Stewart demonstrating methods for beautifying your prison cell.


Martha Stewart unveils new line of prison cell housewares


New York, N.Y. – Inspired by the escalating severity of her insider trading allegations, celebrated lifestyle guru Martha Stewart unveiled Tursday a new line of prison cell furnishings designed to compliment the living arrangements of incarcerated yet discerning homemakers. “Te Martha Stewart Big House Living


“In overseeing the design of these products, I kept in mind what kinds of


furnishings I would want to use if I were incarcerated,” said Stewart.


line will bring to the American penal system that warm touch of home and essence of finer living for which Living’s products are renown,” said Stewart during a speech that opened the media event. “In overseeing the design


of these products, I kept in mind what kinds of furnishings I would want to


see PRISON page 83


Casey Anthony Fantasy Camp gives participants chance to legally murder someone


Orlando, Fla. – Hoping to capitalize on the overwhelming interest surrounding the trial and subsequent acquittal of Casey Anthony this summer, fantasy baseball camp mogul Randy Hundley announced Monday the opening of the Casey Anthony Fantasy


Camp, a


Many participants especially enjoy providing police investigators with false


Accountant’s pencil, personality dull


purchasable retreat package during which participants are allowed to simulate the experience of brutally murdering a defenseless person without legal repercussion. “In the same manner that few ever


information and playing out a series of carefully constructed lies until cornered.


realize their childhood aspirations such as playing Major League Baseball, the Casey Anthony Fantasy Camp affords anyone the opportunity to spend a week living their dream – the only difference being that instead of playing side-by- side with Hall of Fame ballplayers in legendary stadiums, one gets


to sidestep


the death penalty aſter experiencing the twisted thrill of snuffing out an innocent see FANTASY page 84


Right: Anthony enjoying the real-life experience now replicated at the Casey Anthony Fantasy Camp.


page 81


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100  |  Page 101  |  Page 102  |  Page 103  |  Page 104  |  Page 105  |  Page 106  |  Page 107  |  Page 108  |  Page 109