EDITORIAL Tose crazy fucking neighbors of ours are at it again
Oh my God, you are not going to believe this one. Quick, come and get a look at this – those crazy fucking nextdoor neighbors of ours are at it again. Remember back around 2003 when those senseless dingbats spent about two
the community? And then when they couldn’t get any of us to agree with them, they just went ahead and ran the guy out of town anyway? Now that property is a complete g o dd amne d disaster. The yard’s a mess, the power’s constantly going in and out, and I don’t even think they have running water over there anymore. Well, you’d think that whole incident
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months trying to get permission from the entire neighborhood to let them move in on that one property on grounds that the current tenant – the guy with the mustache – was an uncooperative nutbag that needed to be removed from
would’ve taught our nextdoor neighbors to mind their own business – but no! Now they’re trying to tell those Afghans down the street what they can and can’t do in their own backyard. Can you believe the nerve of these people? I mean, really, who put them in charge
of the Neighborhood Watch? I sure as hell don’t remember asking them to police the whole community, do you? I guess the cocky bastards think they can just boss everyone else around because nobody dares say anything to the
contrary. What right do they have to act like
If it were up to me, we wouldn’t live anywhere near these assholes.
such jackoffs to everybody that doesn’t instantly agree with them on everything, you know? It’s hard to believe they could
really think they’re better than everybody else on the block when their household seems to have the most problems of anybody. Heck, it seems like every night on the news I see another story about some madman with a gun nextdoor terrorizing the rest of the people that live over there. Is every single person over there armed, for Christ’s sake? I tell ya, if it’s not one thing it’s another with these clowns. Believe me, if it were up to me, we
wouldn’t live anywhere near these assholes. It’s like everybody else looks at us like we’re all buddies with them or something just because we live nextdoor, when the truth is that we can’t stand them any more than anybody else can. I’m sure
you remember that time at that barbeque when those rude-ass neighbors refused to use the beef we brought because they thought it might be diseased. Jesus, nothing like making us look bad in front of everybody. I was half-expecting them to boycott our beer, too, but I guess all those people living nextdoor like to stay good and loaded so they won’t notice what dickheads they’re being to the rest of the world.
Now they’re trying to tell those Afghans down the
street what they can and can’t do in their own backyard.
Can you believe the nerve of these people?
Oh boy, I think that’s them knocking
on our door again. I wonder what insane idea they want our help with this time. Alright, I better get this, I guess. Time to be neighborly. We do have to live next to these people.
A page from the Recoil handbook... Guide To Home Fitness
Studies say as many as 62 percent of all Americans are currently overweight – a condition which puts one at higher risk of developing diabetes, coronary artery disease, osteoarthritis and every other ugly word in the dictionary. Fortunately, getting your body back in shape doesn’t have to mean shelling out hundreds of dollars for a gym membership and personal trainer. Below are some helpful tips for developing a low-cost, at-home workout routine.
• Position your refrigerator as far away as possible from the kitchen’s entrance, so you’ll have to walk a few extra steps each of the 50 times a day you go to get a snack. Also consider getting an extra freezer that you can put all the way out in the garage; the extra walking you’ll do during your five or six daily ice cream runs will burn as much as 15 percent of the ice creams’ calories.
• Exercising to music can often inspire a more vigorous and enjoyable workout. Buy your most hyperactive child a drum set that he or she can practice on while you work out. (Note: If you live in a crowded apartment complex, make sure the drum kit is no larger than a five- piece.)
• Purchasing a treadmill is one way to guarantee results, as you’re certain to burn off some calories hauling that damn contraption first into the exercise area of your family room, then into the storage area of your attic, and finally into the “Free For The Taking” area of your yard sale.
• Meditation can be mood changing – even life altering! Meditation can clear your mind of the cobwebs of worry and doubt that could be causing you to overeat as a form of escape and comfort. Meditation can even free you from the pain of the real world. Oops, wait a sec. Was I saying meditation? I meant medication.
• If a king-size Hersheys bar is eaten in the forest and there’s nobody there to see, do the calories count? Most experts say no, so feel
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free to hit the convenience store right before your nature hike.
• Move in with someone whose table manners are so unfathomably appalling that even catching a mere glimpse of them engaging in gustation will make it quite impossible for you to do the same.
• Excessive calorie intake (pigging out) and a sedentary
lifestyle (sitting on your ass all day) can lead to morbid obesity (becoming your mother). Lay terminology (the stuff in parenthesis) was provided by your husband (When’s dinner? I’m starving. Did you pick up a six- pack while you were out?).
• Exercise, interestingly enough, rhymes with schmexercise. Coincidence? Highly doubt it.
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