‘It’s Not’ is from Smith’s 2011 collection, Life on Mars. children, and there is quite a big age gap between her and her older siblings. This poem is dedicated to Smith’s sister Jean, who is closest to her in age. When it comes to losing a parent, if you have a sibling, you may have the comfort of another person who knows exactly what you’re going through, especially if you have both had similar relationships with your parents. In her poignant memoir, Ordinary Light, Smith expresses her gratitude to her older sister and details how well she had cared for their dying mother: ‘Jean, who’d thing anyone who cannot care for herself longs to have: a mother of their own.’
‘It’s not/ That death was thinking of your or me/ Or our family, or the woman/ Our father would abandon when he died.’ This statement sets the tone for the whole elegy: The speaker does not blame death itself, nor does she take her father’s death personally. Yet her use of the verb ‘abandon’ is striking. The woman she is referring to is not her mother, who died in 1994, but the partner her father had in his later years. Using a word as potent as ‘abandon’, with its connotations of being deserted and stranded, is an acknowledgement of the feelings of her father’s partner. Many feel a sense of abandonment when their partner dies, and while it is not logical, it is both understandable and human.