Thursday, 19th


October 2017


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East Cork Business Post Suicide is Painful for All – Preventing Future Tragedies


by DR ROSARII GRIFFIN


Questions Why do people decide


to die by suicide? It is that they become


sioned with life that


so disillu- they


cannot bear to live any- more? Why do they not consider those left behind – especially the impact it will have on family and friends? The suffering (perhaps un- intentionally) that


it will


inflict on families, friends, relatives and work or school-mates? Is the place they arrive at so dark that they feel their lives are worthless? That


they are


worthless? Have they lost all hope, and fallen into the cesspit of despair? To take one’s own life by suicide is such a drastic ‘solution’ to a problem, that it is in fact not a solution at all.


Remorse Suicide is not a solution,


because the outcome is so final. There is no turning back the clock. No chance to say ‘I’m sorry’ to those they love and leave behind, and they leave hearts filled with grief, anger, sadness, remorse, pain and sorrow. In short, victims of suicide leave a trail of destruction in their wake. Not inten- tionally of course, but su- icide just causes havoc. It is like taking a short-cut to nowhere, nowhere be- ing an abyss of ‘forever silence’, and not necessar- ily ‘forever peace’, particu- larly for those left behind who have to deal with the aftermath, and torrent of emotions that such a vio- lent death evokes. Suicide is just the wrong answer to a difficult question.


Victims People who have died by


suicide come from all walks of life. There is no real pat- tern or predictor as to who might succumb, or why one person might decide to take their life over another person. However, we do know that the incidence of suicide tends to be higher amongst men, especial- ly younger men. That


is


possibly because women tend to talk more openly about their problems and seek out help sooner. Also, if women attempt suicide, they are often unsuccessful, and therefore, it is seen as a cry for help, and they do manage to get help – but not always. On their oth- er hand, men tend to keep problems to themselves. Men do not seek help in time, and often feel that there is no solution. Then they decide that the solu- tion is dependent on them, and they cannot cope, so they tragically decide end it all.


to


Triggers Thoughts about suicide


can be triggered by a num- ber of things including financial pressure, family issues, loss of relation- ships, grief, bullying, abuse, mental illness, drugs (both legal and illegal), and of course, chronic depres- sion. While it is necessary to think about what causes suicide, it is perhaps more beneficial to consider how one can resolve such issues before a person deterio- rates mentally to the point where they wish to die by suicide.


Help is near Outside of friends and


family, there are many professional organisations out there that especially


are there to help people


who find themselves con- templating suicide. Sources of confidential help and related services include: the local GP, psychological counselling services, the Samaritans, Child Line, Pi- eta House, St Vincent De Paul, Barnardos Ireland, GROW (www.grow.ie), MABS, Women’s Aid and Safe


Ireland (Domestic


Abuse Services Ireland). Such organisations can easily be contacted freely via their helplines or via the internet. Such services are mostly charitable, of- fering a free, private, con- fidential and professional service. The message must get out there that suicide is not a solution to problems. Nothing is so precious than human life. But is it hard


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for a person who feels bat- tered and bruised by life to find the energy to keep fighting back, to keep bat- tling the dark clouds that descend and overshadow a person’s every waking mo- ment of their life; to fight losses, or bereavements or pain.


Why suicide? Why do people decide to


die by suicide? The jury is still out as to why, but the ‘why’ doesn’t really matter when they are gone. The problem is that their deci- sion to die by suicide was final: a final solution to what was probably only a temporary problem. Some people I’m sure die by su- icide on impulse. For oth- ers, it is a decision that has been planned with great precision for some time. Such a decision seems to give


the victim ease of


mind, to think that they can end it all, or have the power and control to end their pain by some violent act of self-destruction. But such deaths are not pain free. And the short-term relief from the pain lives on with the victim’s griev- ing family for years and decades to come. The pain is merely transferred to the family.


Internal invisible pain Mental depression and pain can be excruciatingly difficult. As such mental pain is internal, nobody can see or indeed feel that


explanation for suicide. However, sometimes it is sexual difference. Some- times society has difficulty in comprehending that people are born different, and that some people are born homosexual or may- be even bi-sexual. Some people have difficulty comprehending that social norms (heterosexuality) is not necessarily ‘normal’ for everyone. Some people are born different, and are dif- ferent. Society needs rath- er to ‘live and let live’. In other words, people should not judge others for being different, but rather be sympathetic, tolerant and understanding towards difference. Homosexuality, whether we agree with it or not, has always been there, let’s just accept it.


How to survive? But what is the quality separates those who


that terrible pain. It may


seem that nobody is able to understand the mental torture that


the victim is


suffering. But, there are people out there who can and do understand this kind of pain and who can help alleviate this suffering, and who can offer support to those who are in need of assistance. There is always someone to turn to. There are professionals who are well equipped to help those in dire straits, and who find themselves in the dark hole of depression.


Reasons for Suicide Mental illness is one


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can survive life’s ups and downs, and those who suc- cumb to suicide? It is diffi- cult to know what quality (if any) is ‘the magic ingre- dient’. I imagine it is a com- bination of factors. Firstly, it is the love and support of family and friends of those undergoing hardship of any kind. However, this love and support can only be tapped into if family and friends are aware of a person’s suffering. People are just not psychic. Family and friends cannot know if a person is in trouble unless they are told, and given an opportunity to help. Peo- ple also need to be able to read the signs highlighting a problem might exist. But this is not always possible as often those who are the most


depressed wear a


smile, and act as if life is going great, when inside, their lives are in turmoil. It is often not easy to see the signs when they are so well hidden from our sights.


Depression Depression is one fac-


tor, and seems to be like a pressure cooker. Unless it has an outlet, the pot will self-implode. People


the same, if life becomes too much to bear, steam needs to be let off. This


are


steam can take the form of confiding in trusted friends and allowing them to share the burden of problems and finding viable solu- tions. It may mean taking up exercise and fitness to work off excess stress. It may mean contacting a professional organisation for professional (and con- fidential) help. Allowing the pressure of problems to mount is fatal. One always needs an outlet to let off steam so as not to self-im- plode. There may be many ways to let off the steam of mental anguish, loneliness or despair. Solutions may include: counselling, exer- cise, mindfulness, medita- tion, medication, financial relief, therapy, socialising and/or sociable hobbies. Other people can find sol- ace in prayer, the Church and God. Whatever works for you is the solution for you.


Resilience A friend of mine who is a psychologist says that resilience is an important factor in children and adults to prevent suicide. Resilience, she said, is not the fact that one offsets or defends oneself against life’s up and down’s. No, it is rather an acceptance of the pain and suffering en- dured by certain situations brought on by life. Then, it’s the ability to brush one- self down, to try and try again and in order to keep going – one step in front of the other, even if it is only baby steps! The thing is to try and keep moving for- ward, no matter how diffi- cult things become.


Life is like that Similar to the economy


or the seasons, life is cy- clical. There will be good times and there will be bad times. Anyone who thinks that


life is plain sailing is


deluded. It doesn’t matter who you are, life will be tough at some stage. There will be the deaths of loved ones, there may be finan- cial difficulties or econom- ic pressure and hardship, there will be illnesses, fam- ily problems, stresses and embarrassments. There


31


may be abuses (drugs, vi- olence or bullying); there may be fallouts between family, neighbours or friends. There may be a history of mental illness or depression. But, whatev- er the problem (and there may be many), steps need to be taken to resolve such issues especially before they escalate.


Reflecting Looking back on my life,


I often think that one starts out with the optimism of youth, and somewhere along the way, you begin to wonder where or when did it all go wrong? Reflecting on life, one has a choice to be positive or negative (the glass is half full or half empty syndrome). Despite experiencing difficulties, it is important to stay posi- tive, active and interested. However, for some peo- ple, this is easier said than done, especially for those who live with depression. Yet, as aforementioned, there is so much help out there, a person (or their family) may need to take responsibility and be pro- active, seeking and finding help for their loved one. If you suspect a person may be suffering from depres- sion or mental health is- sues, they may be too weak to help themselves. That is why it is important for family and friends look out for them, and help find the right kind of assistance and support for them.


Victims of Suicide Everybody I know has


been touched by some- where along the line by su- icide. We all know the pain and havoc it can reeks on families, friends and com- munities. Suicide is not a solution to any problem. Though victims may find solace thinking about how life could be better off without them, suicide is just not a solution. There is always a way out of prob- lems, a brighter day ahead. The dawn always comes after the night. Sometimes, a solution is just around the corner. One has to have patience, be resilient, and not give up the fight or will to live.


Grief and


Forgiveness While


people


grieve


for a loved one that died by suicide, one must also learn to forgive them for their drastic action. These loved ones were not in a good place. They were not thinking straight. They were


not able to cope.


They felt so bad they were not even able


to cry for


help. It is a terrible travesty, especially for families of a young person that dies by suicide, with their whole life in front of them - full of promise, hope and happi- ness. That person will nev- er know the joy that await- ed them. Instead, their close


have the awful tragedy and pain


family and friends that


suicide reigns


down on a family, torment- ing them for years. It is not easy. It is a sad and tragic fact of Irish life. However, the message must be re- iterated again and again: suicide is not a solution. It is not the answer, and it is wrong. There is help and assistance out there. You just need to ask.


Conclusion To anybody reading this


who is affected by suicide, there are organisations out there to assist you through your grief. If anyone sus- pects someone


is going


through a rough patch, and is worried about their mental health or thinks that they may be thinking about suicide, you need to act and seek help for them. If anybody reading this is contemplating suicide - you need to seek urgent help. There is a lot of help out there, you only have to reach out and ask. Whatev- er the issue - suicide is not a solution to any problem or to mental pain! Suicide is wrong, final and painful for all. Everyone’s life is precious and unique. For more information, please free phone The Samar- itans on 116 123 or text them on (087) 2609090. GROW also conduct meet- ings in Cork, Midleton and Youghal. For more infor- mation, contact Finola on 086-7702807 or the Cork office on 021-427 7520 from Monday to Friday, 10am to 1pm. Author: Rosarii Griffin at info@ eastcorkjournal.ie or @


Tel: 021 463 8000 • Email: info@eastcorkjournal.ie • Web: www.eastcorkjournal.ie


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