Module 2 • Behaviour Problems 2 When masturbation becomes abnormal


Genital play can become more than just a passing curiosity when it becomes frequent and intense and the child becomes so preoccupied with self-pleasure that he or she withdraws from interacting with others.


While genital stimulation is normal behaviour for a child, it bothers parents and, if excessive, can bother the child. Here are some ways to keep a common practice from becoming a harmful habit.


3 Not in public, please


Without making judgements about your child’s actions, matter-of- factly advise her that anything to do with her “private parts” – like going to the bathroom – is private. Use this as a teachable moment and nicely explain that you want your child to “go do that where I can’t see you – it makes people uncomfortable.”


Usually, the child will choose to stop the activity so he or she can stay near you. Normal social living demands that people often delay their own gratification out of respect for the feelings of others. The best approach is to quickly distract the child into a more socially acceptable activity.


Chronically bored children often turn to their bodies for stimulation. Keep little minds and bodies active. When the little boy’s hands go into his pants or the little girl begins rocking, casually distract them from their self-interests into other activities.


4 Avoid scare tactics


Here are some of the fearful myths about masturbation that years ago came from the mouths of adults: • “If you keep that up, you’ll get warts on your hands.” • “You’ll go blind.” • “Stop that, it’ll make you sick.”


These may have frightened children out of the habit, but they also created guilt and damaged self-esteem, resulting in unhealthy sexual attitudes. And, once children discovered that these threats were untrue, advice on other sexual matters became suspect.


5 Give wise advice


If you intervene in childhood masturbation, you must carry through with wise advice. If your child is old enough for such dialogue, try this approach (best for dads to talk to boys and moms to girls): “Johnny, playing with your penis feels good and it is a good part of your body. I did this a bit when I was your age. But too much of this stuff keeps you from exploring other activities that make you feel good. What are some other things you would like to do? What would you like to do together?”


Although perhaps uncomfortable for parents, these conversations are teachable moments, healthful to the child’s growing sexuality. They also strengthen your parent-child relationship.


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