N6 Educational Psychology


honesty. In order to deal with the situation, you need to know a) why your little Pinocchio is lying and b) how to teach him to value honesty. Here’s how.


Do you know the story of Pinnochio , the little wooden puppet, whose nose got longer every time he told a lie?


1 Why do children tell lies?


Children at a young age can come up with some amazing stories – not to be deceitful but because for the most part, they are still learning what is reality and what is fantasy. In most cases, a 3-, 4-, or 5-year-old is too young to understand exactly what a lie is. Their fairy-tale accounts are the result of an imagination working in high gear, not anything sinister.


When your 4-year-old says she didn’t colour on the wall while she’s holding the crayon in her hand, what she means is that she wishes she hadn’t done it because, clearly, you are angry. Since she didn’t mean to turn your bedroom wall into her canvas, in her mind she didn’t. Try and avoid avoid putting the child in a situation that may make her feel like she has to lie. Instead of asking angrily, “Did you colour on my wall?” say, “We have a rule in this house that we only colour on paper. Let’s get some towels and water and clean this up together.”


If the story your child cooks up is very farfetched, such as – “There was an elephant at preschool today” challenge it in a light-hearted way. Ask if what she is telling you is real or made up. When she admits that she was fibbing, get in on the act and help her to elaborate – “Imagine if an elephant really came to pre-school? Would you eat peanuts for a snack?” A initial “lie” then turns into a silly story that the two of you can share and you are helping your pre-schooler exercise her imagination.


2 Honesty policy


When your child tells a lie, use it as an opportunity to talk about why being truthful is so important. Calling her a liar or yelling may cause your child to keep lying to avoid blame.


To encourage truth-telling, try removing the consequences. Say,


“No matter what you did, I promise I won’t get angry as long as you tell the truth.” When your child tells the truth about something she’s done wrong, be sure to praise her.


3 Practise what you preach


In the course of your daily routine, chances are you tell a white lie or two. And that’s OK, for the most part. “Pro-social lies” – avoiding the truth to spare someone’s feelings – are normal and pretty much accepted. But don’t expect your take-everything-literally pre-schooler to understand. If you tell your pre-schooler, “You must never tell a lie,” but then tell her to say to grandma that the inedible cookies are delicious, you’ll confuse her. Set a good example by being honest yourself.


It’s never too early to teach your kids honesty. Talk about why it is wrong to lie – that it makes you sad when she says things that aren’t true. When your child realises that telling the truth is something you value, that’s something they’ll strive to reach.


Interventions • Always model ‘telling the truth’, avoid ‘little white lies’. • Do not accept excuses for lying; lying is not acceptable. • No matter what, children need to know that lying is never acceptable and will not be tolerated.


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