N6 Educational Psychology
Some children will rarely have tantrums while others could have them a few times a day. There’s no clear-cut reason why this happens, but childhood development experts suspect a number of different factors, including the child’s age, stress levels, his general disposition and health issues, both diagnosed and undiagnosed.
2 What to do when the child has had enough
There are a couple of schools of thought on handling the tantrum, and which you choose will depend on where you are and what type of child is involved.
• Ignore it: If you can, try walking away, making sure that your child is safe first. Stay nearby, but make sure it’s clear by your actions that her display has no effect on you. Don’t make eye contact and don’t talk to her. When she sees that she’s not getting a reaction, she’ll probably stop. Help her then to get started with an new activity.
• Diffuse it: If you don’t have the stomach to be passive, there are some techniques you can try. Soothe your child by rubbing her back and talk to her in low, quiet tones. Some parents find repeating the same phrase over and over again like, “You’re OK,” or singing a quiet song or nursery rhyme seems to work.
• What you shouldn’t do: yell back at your child or try to reason with him. While your child in the middle of an emotional outburst, there is no way to get through to him. You just have to wait until it is over.
• If the tantrum is in a public place, pick her up and bring her to a more private location, like your car or a public bathroom. If you can’t get the tantrum under control, put her into her car seat and go home.
• Unfortunately, there are some instances where you just can’t leave, such as an aeroplane or a taxi. Just do your best and grin and bear it. Others might be annoyed, but your child is your concern, not anyone else’s.
• If your child starts to bite, kick, hit or show some other aggressive behaviors, you must take action immediately. Remove the child from the situation until she can calm down.
• When the tantrum is over, don’t dwell on what happened, as upset or as angry as you may be. Instead, move on. If you feel like you need to talk about it, wait a few hours when you are both calm.
• Help the child to develop acceptable ways of handling his emotions. “I can see that you are frustrated – what can I do to help?”
• Discuss the behaviour with his parents. If it is serious, it might be necessary to refer the child for professional guidance.
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