Service through the ages Jeremy Clark
OPINION Jeremy Clark bemoans the inexperience of youth that is blighting customer service
When you get older your mind still feels young, however there’s a difference. You are, in fact, older and thus experienced. That has advantages despite the odd twinge and difficulty in climbing elegantly from a two-door coupe. When you’re young you think you know it all but when you are older you know you know it all but still feel young. So you can tell the young you know it all with complete authority. So when some uniformed, pimpled 12-year-old with a Phd in Advanced Patronisation from the University of Smugness tries to deny you access to the First lounge on the basis of your frequent flyer status because he or she is too arrogant or stupid to have checked the rules, you can legitimately peer over your spectacles and, with a withering look and no remorse, reduce the child to a quivering lump of jelly in a tirade of the most acerbic vocabulary you have at your disposal, confident in the knowledge you are right. The younger set fall into two categories: those who have convinced themselves they know it all through sheer self-belief and unshakeable confidence, and those who have been told they know it all because they have a bit of paper from some institution saying so.
The first set invariably end up as Richard Branson or John Lennon and are generally likeable. The second is a different species altogether and heads into the real world with no proper understanding of how it works. That understanding comes with experience, which comes only with time. For example, I went to a phone shop to buy a phone from a ‘young’ company. My conversation went thus: Assistant: That model is not available without a contract. Me: OK, how about this one?
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Assistant: That is available, but we don’t have it in stock. Me: Can I order one? I need it fast. Assistant: No, it’s not available to order. Me: So why is it displayed? How about this one? Assistant: Yes, it might come in Monday. Me: 'Might’ isn’t really good enough, but I'll order it anyway. If I find another I can cancel. Assistant: You can’t cancel the order. Company policy. Me: Well, I can just not come in and get it. Same thing isn’t it? Or, if I cannot find it elsewhere, can I call you to order it? Assistant: We can’t take orders from people over the phone. Company policy. Me: But I am not people, I’m a potential customer. Assistant: You have to come in. Me: But that’s inconvenient.
When you’re young, you think you know it all but when you are older you know you know it all!
Assistant: Well, you can get it tomorrow if you order it online.
And there you have it in an instant. Inexperience in charge of ‘Company Policy’ and why the internet is destroying the high street – and that assistant’s job with it.
That shop, that lounge . . . just two examples of no understanding and inexperienced customer service polluting a business. We can’t blame them or their bosses. They’re not old enough to know any better. Experiences like this happen daily. Worry not about age and experience but do pay heed to Tom Stoppard who says:“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity”. Alternatively, relax and follow my favourite quote: “I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.”
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