34


info@eastcorkjournal.ie


Thursday, 8th


December 2016


Coping with Christmas


which we are uncomforta- ble, to drink more than is healthy, to eat more than is good. Sadly, Christmas Spirit has morphed into Christmas Stress. So in this piece I thought


by SALLY O’REILLY I do love Christmas -


honestly I do - but parts of it make me want to gouge my own eyes out and scream... Have you noticed that


in recent years people are referring to Christmas as ‘stressful’ more often? The shops have been decorated for weeks now, the TV ads are blaring, social media pop ups are...popping... The hype is bigger than ever - but to what end?


Where has the Christmas Spirit gone?? For many, the glowy


Christmassy warmth we all hold dear is hiding behind a growing pressure. Pres- sure to buy, to conform, to be happy, festive, cheerful. To be with people around


I’d share with you some of the most common (yes, they’re common, you’re absolutely not a freak!) concerns that people


of


all ages in particular bring into therapy during the ‘festive’ season. Because it doesn’t always feel festive. And so, in no particu-


lar order, and in QandA form:


Q: How will I fit everyone in? Visiting, hosting, feeding??! A: You mightn’t. That’s


the reality. When we accept


the uncertainty


around this then we expe- rience less stress. No one expects more of you than you do of yourself. And also know this: other peo- ples’ enjoyment is not your responsibility. This might feel alien to you, but it’s true now, as it is true at all times. #TipForLife This is the time when


we are most likely to


spend time with people with whom we are mild- ly uncomfortable,


all the


way up to terrified. You’re probably picturing people right now as you read. It’s OK to avoid these people - tradition is simply habit, it’s not a rule. Thankfully, traditions can be dropped, changed or even reinvent- ed. If the choice to visit someone is ultimately bet- ter for you than to avoid them, then I suggest you limit your time, and set up a reward for yourself for afterwards. This’ll give you something nice to think about while you’re grinning and bearing. Again though - check if


you’re certain that the risk is worth it. Particularly if the person / people are abusive. Even (for some, especially) if they are fam- ily. It is not your ‘duty’ to put yourself in harm’s way.


Q: I can’t afford the latest gadgets for my kids - what will I do? A: It’s true, your kids


may want the newer cool- er ‘whatever’, but the re-


Debby Hayes Make-Up Artist


Debby Hayes Professional Makeup Artist for bridal makeup. Your wedding day may be one of the most photographed and recorded events in your life. For an event that has such signifi- cance, hire the services of a professional makeup artist Debby Hayes to ensure you look your best throughout the wed- ding ceremony and celebration. Debby Hayes is highly skilled and trained in makeup techniques as well as having the charisma to work with brides. See Debby's work on Facebook and Insta- gram: Debby Hayes Makeup artist and hair stylist or contact her on 086 8881604


ality may well be that you cannot provide it. Some parents find this more dif- ficult than others. Saying ‘no’ can be hard at


the


best of times, or embar- rassing if it’s for purely fi- nancial reasons. But here’s the thing – it’s OK, good even, to say no to children. We are teaching them that ‘wanting’ is not the same as ‘being entitled to’. This is an essential lesson for all little (and large) humans who need to function in a group / society/ country. There is no shame. Please don’t feel shame. Plus, in ten years’ time it


is likely that your children won’t remember what you gave them each Christmas or how much it cost. They will remember how they felt, the time you spent with them, the atmosphere in your home, your mood. The label and price tag on their toy /gadget will pale in comparison to the value of their relationship with you.


Here are some compro-


mise ideas: 1: Look through local


charity shops, eBay, online bargain basements, local


swap sites - check Face- book.


2: If you feel comfort-


able enough with them, suggest to your extended family that instead of gifts, they give small amounts of cash to your child/chil- dren. It teaches your kids about the value of and re- sponsibility for money, and it will ease your burden. 3: If you can afford to


do so, consider buying just one device for your kids to share. This might cause friction... but learning to cooperate is part of learn- ing to be a human!


Q: How can I afford to buy all the gifts that I want to buy for everyone else? A: By being realistic. If


you are a ‘normal’ per- son, you have a limited amount of money. This won’t change in the next two weeks, barring a lotto win! My suggestion is that you sit down with yourself and write a list of who you want to buy for and how much you are willing to spend.


While you’re doing


this, remember that your friendship/relationship doesn’t depend on how


much you spend on your gift. (If it does, then per- haps your concern belongs with the relationship, not the gift). Another idea is to sit


down with your friends and consider making an agreement either to not buy each other gifts, or to have a strict limit on how much you spend on a token gift and stick to it. You’ll most likely hear a series of relieved breathes. If it’s too late and you’ve splashed out, don’t


be


afraid to return for the re- fund. Your peace of mind has more value than any- thing you’ve bought.


Q: When will I get my Christmas outfit? My hair done? My nails done? A: I’ll answer with an-


other question: are these essentials? As with visiting and catering, this is one of those rituals that we’ve come to think of as essen- tials. In truth though, they are treats, and if you really have the money and the time, go for it. Because, yes, you ARE worth it – but only if it doesn’t come at a personal cost!! If a treat becomes an ordeal,


then... is it truly a treat?


Q: What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel happy like all the shiny families in the ads?


A: Nothing. Yes, nothing. The mad- ness is around us, not in us. You might be griev- ing, tired, sick, lonely this year: these feelings mean you need care and loving attention. Especially now. Pretense, glitter and tinsel won’t cut it. And so in next week’s issue I’ll share with you some practical ideas around minding yourself and saving your sanity this Christmas - they take little effort, and like I said, you are indeed worth it. Sally O’Reilly is a Psy-


chologist, Psychotherapist and Clinical Supervisor in private practice in East Cork with twenty years’ full time experience. She has a special interest


in


working with teenagers and writes for Voiceboks. com, FamilyFriendlyHQ. com as well as her own blog sallyoreilly.com. For more


info contact


her through her site, on 0872338804 or on Twitter @psychosal.


Tel: 021 463 8000 • Email: info@eastcorkjournal.ie • Web: www.eastcorkjournal.ie


eastcorkjournal


@eastcorkjournal / #eastcorkjournal


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72