THE HOLY QUR’AN GUIDES A SINCERE MUSLIM TO BEAR TROUBLE AND AFFLICTION:
And we shall undoubtedly test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss of wealth and lives and fruit. But give glad tidings to the patient, who says when afflicted with calamity: “To God we belong and to Him is our return.” They are those upon whom is God’s blessing and mercy, and they are the ones who are guided. (2: 155-157)
Sharing bereavement experiences. I will share my personal experience losing a child and the cultural aspects of how Somalis grieve this loss:
Although grieving traditions vary among cultures, the deep sense of loss and sorrow is univer- sal. So in that regard, losing a child is a universal tragedy that transcends cultural bounds. No one is ever truly prepared for the death of a loved one, even when the death comes after a long and serious illness. And when the loss is sudden and unexpected, as it was for me, the profound heartache and emptiness that you feel is accompanied by stunning disbelief. No matter the circumstances of the loss, there is always a crushing sadness that goes with it.
When we lost our child, my wife was a week from her due date. One day during the last week she went to the hospital for a regular checkup, and she took with her the youngest two children. The nurse prepared her for a sonogram and when she first looked at it, the baby appeared to be moving. But then she looked again and saw that the child actually was not moving. Well, she didn’t want to give that news to my wife and said the doctor needs to review the sonogram. My wife suspected something was wrong when the nurse said she would call the doctor. When the doctor came and looked at the sonogram with the nurse, they saw that the child was not moving. So they took the two other kids and put them in another room so they could tell my wife the terrible news. She was alone when they told her that her baby was dead. They said she could be admitted to the hospital or return tomorrow to deliver the baby. My wife said, “I want to come back later because the child is dead and there is no reason to rush.” So the next day we returned to the hospital and she delivered the baby. It turned out to be an umbilical cord death for the baby. And, actually, the sadness of that loss probably hit me harder than my wife. Even to this day, I don’t want to see the pictures that we took that day.
As a Muslim, I have a deep faith in God and that God decides whether a person lives or dies. Even in great sadness, Muslims still have faith in God and believe in him. The Muslim faith and culture helped us through this terrible time.
Because I had moved to the United States from Somalia so long ago, I thought I knew how to make burial arrangements. I found out some things that I didn’t know when we lost our baby. In the Muslim faith, there are certain procedures followed when a child dies. For example, you have to wash the body, you have to wrap it in a cloth, and then take it to the burial site immediately or at least within a day. In Somalia, when a child dies you can take the body to the morgue or funeral home right from the hospital. There are no restrictions or any other require- ments that go with it. We went to get our baby’s body from the hospital but were told we had to talk to the funeral home first. So I called the funeral home, and they told me, ‘You have to give us all the information and then we will come and pick up the baby.’ I conveyed this information to the hospital. The hospital did allow us to wash the body and wrap him in blankets and a white sheet, an important Muslim ritual. When the funeral home staff arrived at the hospital, I expected them to be able to take the baby immediately to the funeral home but this was not permitted. This was another delay and upsetting. I recommend that families be informed of these procedures immediately so they know what to expect. Our baby was buried in this country.
56
VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88