Black or somber attire signifies mourning. However, the mother wears white for a year and also refrains from entertainment. The father wears toned down colors. Black arm- bands are no longer worn. Siblings also do not wear bright colors for a period of time.
In middle and upper class families, the process is less dramatic and crying is muffled. Parents will observe the nine days post burial by attending mass every day, visiting the cemetery, and bringing flowers to the gravesite. In the United States, families may opt for cremation.
Recent immigrants to the United States often do not have the social support they had in their country. In many cases, there are few family members to surround and support them. Families may feel isolated. The family and neighbor support is shortened due to distance and work obligations. The length of official mourning varies for each family. Those with religious affiliations may receive support and prayers from the congregation. Many recent immigrants want to return to their homeland as soon as possible after the death. They go “home” to be with family and get renewed, so they can better cope with the loss. They usually welcome a bereavement home visit and will talk, but may not feel comfortable attending a bereavement support group meeting.
Many Haitians do not believe in the SIDS diagnosis. They think death occurred because the baby was so beautiful that someone put an evil eye on him/her. The evil eye is their explanation for the sudden and unexpected death. It is important not to chal- lenge their beliefs about the death; instead, explore their understanding while offering alternative reasons.
Johnny was only five weeks old when he died. His 19-year-old immigrant mother was very upset about his death. She was searching for the reason the baby died, so her mother took her to a seer, a psychic in the neighborhood. The seer told her that Johnny was really an angel who was having a dream and took her as his mother. When he woke up he went back to heaven. For this young mother, having this baby be so powerful an angel, who chose her, was extremely helpful to her. Johnny also had seven godmothers. Each of the godmothers took a turn to bring the young mother to a SIDS support group. She also returned briefly to the Caribbean for her grandmother to care for her. She is back in New York and very happy to be expecting another baby.
British Caribbean. There are similarities and differences among blacks from the English Caribbean. A nurse midwife from Barbados reports that the British influence is alive and well among her people. They have been taught to be strong during adversity. They prefer to “keep a stiff upper lip” and stay in control. However, this midwife found that the longer mothers tried to “be strong,” the longer it took them to come to terms with their grief.
As in Haiti, African influence is seen in the practices of family and kin coming to the home to provide support and herbal remedies. These remedies are called “bush teas” and are given to the mother to help her cope with her grief. Like Haitian mothers, Barbadian mothers do not go to the burial. They believe children should accompany their parents to the grave, not the reverse. The mother goes to the cemetery after the burial. She brings flowers and observes mourning by wearing somber colors for one year.
Barbadians who emigrate to the United States often lose the support of their extended family members. Relatives no longer live nearby or are not available due to work obli-
6 VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT
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