King conducted herself as the wife of a national civil rights leader, despite her personal pain. Many people held expectations of how she should carry herself. Furthermore, she was the wife of a Baptist minister who had taught his congregation how to deal with grief and loss. These role expectations shaped the way she presented herself. Dr. King’s mother also was assassinated, while playing a piano in front of the whole church. The senior Dr. King, as the congregation’s pastor and leader, had to conduct himself in accordance with his Southern Baptist faith.
“For no other group in American life is the matter of family life more important than to the Negro. Our very survival is bound up in it…” —Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Address delivered at Abbott House, Westchester, NY 1965
Grief responses and rituals also vary by geographic region. For example, in some areas of the southern United States, drivers sometimes stop their cars along the roadside, get out, and tilt their hats to the funeral car to show respect. This gesture acknowledges that another soldier has gone on to his reward.
Customarily, all the extended family and church members provide support to the fam- ily during an infant’s illness. Extended family members include cousins, aunts, uncles, godparents, and parents and grandparents as well as their close friends. Family members may also count on their minister, deacons, choir members, and others to visit the sick infant in the hospital and attend the funeral. Parishioners will feel they have a duty to do so, as well.
One traditional African American value is respect for elders. When an infant dies, the oldest family member is likely to be the responsible individual and the person with whom service providers will interact. Care providers must determine whom the family has designated as being in charge. This person will probably take care of planning with the funeral home, contacting the minister or priest, and receiving visitors.
In addition, the grandmother’s role is central to many African American families. A clas- sic definition of this role still rings true: “Black grandmothers are the guardians of the generations” (Staples,1973). Family members may seek out and follow her advice about pregnancy, child care, health, and treatment for illness. She might have an active part in rearing her grandchildren. When an infant is ill at home, the grandmother may be the one who sits up with the child. When an infant is hospitalized, she could be a decision maker concerning treatment. When an infant dies, the grandmother may be the main source of solace and support for the parents and other family members.
Another custom that has survived from generation to generation is having friends in the community take care of the bereaved family. These friends immediately prepare food to bring to the family. They recognize the bereaved may forget to eat when they are completing tasks such as notifying family members and making funeral preparations. The community helps out with house cleaning and food preparation as a way of pay- ing respect. Families who have disagreed in the past also forget their misunderstandings and send a family member to participate in the events out of respect for the life of the relative who has died.
2
VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT
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