This story is also consistent with recent research on the grief response of African American women. In all studies, spirituality was found to provide important support. Inner resources were used to develop self-help strategies to cope with reactions following the loss of a child.


Interview with an African American father. The following is an excerpt from an interview with a father of six who is of African American and Native American descent, and is a Muslim.


It all started with a dream that our next child (this is my second marriage and therefore sixth child) would be a boy. So when my wife became pregnant and carried near to full term, we expected a boy. The baby was a girl. She took one breath and then died.


My teachings as a Muslim told me that when this happens, it means the person would imme- diately go to paradise. And so we were somewhat consoled. I also remembered stories from my mother, who would talk of life having its cycles and not all of us coming the same way.


My family, as African Americans, is very close, with few secrets, sharing struggles and accom- plishments. This is how we were raising all of the children. So in explaining to the older children, we talked of their sister, Saediqua, who was now in paradise. We planned for a Muslim funeral, after explaining to the hospital staff the need for this to occur within 24 hours. They were very cooperative. Following Islamic etiquette, I offered the jannazah prayer with my two sons before wrapping her for burial. They looked at her and acknowledged her as their sister. The next day she was placed in a plain casket and, with the community’s assistance, offered a full funeral service.


“Prior to this, my wife had experienced two miscarriages. And so we dealt with this death in the context of her personal reality. As a young father I did not know enough to articulate all of my feelings. Looking back, I realize a lot of what I understood was based on all the things I’d been told growing up. This collective knowledge got me through. I called upon the social group for support. And I was comforted by the dream and the close relationship with my sons—these helped me bridge the grief and move forward. We did not have much money, so soon I had to return to work. I felt comforted, wrapped up in my dual culture. The following year, a son was born, and we named him Ali Sadeq.


This family found comfort in religious traditions. Mutual caring and support by family members helped sustain them in this difficult time. This father’s response is somewhat similar to that of McCreight (2005), who reports that a father’s response to pregnancy loss may be very personal and emotional. It is suggested that fathers have limited support available to deal with the tragedy they have experienced. Many undergo self-blame, loss of identity; and the need to appear strong and to hide their feelings of grief and anger. In the O’Leary and Thorwick (2006) phenomenological study, fathers suppressed their anxiety and fear in their desire to protect the mother. They also report societal pressure to be strong and this inhibited the need to get support. Lack of recognition of their pain was also identified. They report that fathers may not report their own anxiety and fear because of the desire to protect the mother. Pressure to “be strong” interferes with getting support. While FIMR focuses on maternal interviews, fathers are an important dynamic in maternal and family grief response.


10


VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT


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