are kept on tables in the home, and families make offerings to the spirits of the dead. Families also go to cemeteries once a year to give offerings to the ancestors.


Family values. Family is central to the Chinese way of life. It is the structure that holds everything together and forms the basis of all judgments and decisions. The Chinese family includes both the nuclear family and the extended family. To the Chinese, extended family means not only the uncles, aunts, and cousins but also second- and third-degree cousins and even more-distant relatives. In many cases, people who have the same last name are considered kin. For example, the Tong family believes that all Tongs in the world go back to one ancestor, so that all Tongs today are related in some way. Also, especially among immigrants, there is a sense of family among people who came from the same village. Because China is so large, people who come from the same locality are bound by a geographical kinship.


One key family value is the precedence of family needs over individual needs. Because individuals are relatively unimportant, their needs are considered only in the context of what they mean for the family, the family’s status in society and government, and the country. Individuals’ behaviors are judged in terms of their impact on the family. There is another unique concept in the Chinese culture—the idea of family extending forward and backward in time. Family includes ancestors from a generation ago, two genera- tions ago, and even longer, as well as generations of family to come. Family members are considered to be responsible for past and future generations. Both success and failure reflect on the family. If an individual does something good, it is good for the family; if he or she does something bad, it is a shame for the entire family. Family members also have a duty to produce a new generation to carry on the family name.


In China, male offspring are more valued than female offspring. They are responsible for carrying on the family name. In particular, the eldest son is expected to provide for his father and mother in their old age. For this reason, having a male child is vital for Chinese families. Even families who already have six daughters will continue to have children, trying to get a male heir. Since the inception of the “one child rule,” however, many girl babies have been abandoned or even killed to make room for a male child. These practices have affected the demographics of China, resulting in many more males than females as well as an overwhelming abundance of female children in the country’s orphanages.


The relative value placed on boys and girls also affects a family’s grief when a baby dies. Because the male is expected to carry on the family’s name and ensure its financial well- being, the death of a male child may be considered a greater loss. Thus, the death of an only son may be viewed as more tragic.


Family roles and responsibilities. Chinese parents have complete authority over their children. This principle applies to children of all ages, not just youths. For example, even adult Chinese have to listen to their mothers, who in turn have to listen to their mothers. Outsiders do not have the same authority. In fact, most Chinese are distrustful of anyone who is not a family member.


The members of a Chinese family have different roles and responsibilities. The father is somewhat distant. He carries the main authority and is in charge of financial matters. He is the primary disciplinarian and is often stern. The mother is the nurturer—she bears the children, raises them, listens to problems, and cares for the sick. Bearing sons is a key role for her. In old times, if a wife did not have sons her husband could marry a second, third,


34 VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88