should have two or three limousines full of flowers. The procession goes all around Chinatown, for example and then to the home of the deceased to let the spirit back in. It is critical to have an impressive display for someone important. If the funeral is not good enough, ill fortune and disaster will befall the family of the deceased.
The Chinese show particular respect to older people. Funeral rites for an elderly person must convey the reverence befitting that person’s status and age. However, older people do not show respect to younger people. Chinese people believe that children don’t deserve respect because of their youth. They have not contributed or done anything meaningful for the family. Because respect cannot be shown to a younger person, there are no major funeral rites for a baby or child and many people (including family mem- bers) will not attend should one be arranged.
Grief and loss of a child. A mother’s reaction to the loss of child will vary depending upon the sex of the child, cause of death, and other family circumstances. The mother must accept that her child’s loss will not be mourned with the same funeral rites and respect given to older people. To make matters worse, she may be blamed for the loss. This will depend upon the circumstances of the death, so it is important to know how the child died. If there was a medical problem, the mother will probably not be held responsible. If the child died in a car accident, however, the mother may be blamed for not protecting him. If there is no explanation about how or why the child died, the death is considered the result of bad luck, bad ancestry, or barrenness. Much of this reaction will depend on how traditional the family is, whether elders are around and the information provided by healthcare providers.
The Chinese typically look to the family for a support system. However, immigrants may not have family members nearby. Sometimes the father’s family is around but the mother’s is not. In these cases, a mother who is being blamed for the child’s death may not have any support at all.
Service delivery issues. The grieving process is affected by traditions concerning the display of feelings. Grief-stricken parents are supposed to suppress their emotions. This can present problems when parents learn of their child’s death in the hospital.
A mother whose baby had just died was distraught and crying loudly. Her husband became embarrassed and told her in Chinese, “Stop! Stop that, don’t do that!” Hospital staff wanted to intervene, but they could not understand what was being said. The parents were obviously upset and seemed to be fighting.
In this example, the staff correctly did not involve security personnel but later were able to find an interpreter to help explain what had happened and offer support.
Another common problem concerns the use of mental health services or bereavement groups by grieving Chinese parents. In China, there are no support groups or mental health services for grieving parents. Individuals requiring mental health services are thought to be “crazy” and institutionalized. The Chinese believe that “talk therapy” does no good and is a waste of time. For this reason, they may not participate in conventional support groups or therapy sessions.
So how can service providers help bereaved Chinese mothers? Most importantly, they need to be very practical, and task- or goal-oriented. The provider might ask the mother to come in and fill out papers for a death certificate or sign a document. When she comes in, the provider can integrate supportive counseling with the task. While help-
36 VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT
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