This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.
or fourth wife so he would be assured of having a son. This was considered a good reason to have multiple wives. Chinese sons are responsible for bringing women and children into the family and passing along the family lineage. The oldest son is a role model for younger children. The terms “number one son” and “number two son,” sometimes heard in old movies, indicate the son’s status in the family as well as the birth order. The oldest, “number one” son, has more authority and responsibility throughout his life. He becomes the head of the family when the father dies. Daughters are less valued members of the fam- ily. Historically, daughters were sold to a male’s family and never seen again. Their worth in the family was based on the price they could bring as a bride. This is very traditional thinking, and most Chinese American families no longer follow these practices.


The natural way. Another unique aspect of Chinese culture is belief in the natural way, or acceptance of one’s circumstances. The Chinese believe that people cannot control what happens to them—it is fate and beyond their power to change. Therefore, people must mobilize their thoughts and actions to adapt to the reality of their situation. There is a sense of fatalism, which can interfere with parents’ ability to work through their grief and mobilize actions to resolve problems. If they believe what happened is their destiny, and it was meant to be, they are not likely to try to change things or believe any action on their part can produce change. The Taoist philosophy emphasizes the natural way, acceptance of the circumstances and the belief that a certain amount of suffering is to be expected. Chinese people have a very different way of thinking about adversity.


Suppose a Westerner and a Chinese are walking down a road and find their path blocked by a big boulder. The Westerner will try to figure out a way to move the boulder or get rid of it. He may say, “Let’s blow it up.” The Chinese will figure out how to get around the boulder. He accepts that the boulder is in its place and should be left there. The boulder does not have to be changed. Instead, he has to find a way to deal with it.


In this way, the Chinese differ from Westerners in how they respond to life’s challenges. Some things are meant to be, and the individual has to adjust.


Communication. Communication is an important issue in the Chinese culture. There is a stereotype that Chinese people are always smiling, nodding, and bowing. A lot of that perception is based on the fact that Chinese people want to present harmony and avoid confrontations. They don’t want to show emotions, particularly to strangers. Even if two people totally disagree, they might smile and nod their heads. Chinese people tend to hide their feelings to prevent conflict and stress. They don’t want to do something that is embarrassing and cause them to lose face. The ideas of “face” and being proud are strong Chinese traditions. If a Chinese person is asked something he cannot answer, rather than saying, “I don’t know,” he may tell a long story as a distraction or to change the subject. These differences in how Chinese communicate are important to remember when dealing with grieving parents who do not appear to be communicating their feelings.


General bereavement customs. Funeral rites. Funeral rites and burial customs are determined by the age of the deceased, the manner of his/her death, his/her position in society, and his/her marital status. Someone who had 14 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren, a lot of money, and status in the community must be honored with an appropriate funeral. Chinese funeral processions are characterized by pomp and ceremony. The family puts a picture of the deceased on the car, and the coffin is left wide open. One or more cars are filled with flowers—this is very important. Someone who is prominent in the community


VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT 35


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88
Produced with Yudu - www.yudu.com