When an infant dies of SIDS, an autopsy is done. Even though the Ojibwe do not approve of this procedure, it is usually required by law. Still, families want to know why their baby died, and they can be assured the autopsy will help answer that question. But in most cases the families believe nothing can bring their loved one back to this earth, that it was their time to go to the Spirit World. It may be easier for the family if they can spend time with the baby first. They should be encouraged to come to the hospital and sit a while with the baby before the autopsy is done. In one case where the autopsy was done before the family could spend time with the baby, they had a very difficult time with the grieving process.


“I learned about our customs and traditions for death from my mother. I would say, ‘Mom, if you go before me, would it be all right if I do this, or do that,’ and so forth. And she’d tell me what was appropriate. Because she always chewed Copenhagen, I said, ‘Mom, I’m going to put a beaded bag in with you when you die, and I’ll put your snuff in there so you have enough to share with the ancestors.’ My mother had a sense of humor and said she would not be sharing her snuff with anyone. I reassured her that she would have more than enough to share with the ancestors. When I buried her I put all of her snuff in the beaded bag.”


Anishinabe do not bring flowers to funerals. If flowers are used, it is by Ojibwe who have become Christian. An elderly man once said that flowers are not taken because they will weigh you down on your journey to the spirit world. The custom is to talk with the individual and determine their wishes about the burial. Ask the person what he or she would like to take with them to the spirit world.


My mother did not want to wear any medallions or jewelry. She also did not want new things because she feared the ancestors would not recognize her. At the mortuary I told her, ‘You are really an Anishinabe—you look very Anishinabe.’ I did get her a new Pendleton coat. My friend who was going to make the coat was with me at the mortuary. I said, ‘Mom, we are going to measure you now so my friend can make you a new coat.’ And that’s what we did.


The Ojibwe believe there is a purpose for everything in this world. Even if one is only briefly on earth, there is a reason. One young Ojibwe mother lost a baby at only 19 weeks gestation. She wanted to see her baby and attend to him before he was taken away. She talked to his spirit and told him how important it was that he had come into the world. In the Ojibwe culture, even this tiny infant had a role, perhaps as a teacher, for the community.


One time I talked to another Anishinabe woman when I was going through a hard time. I told her that I didn’t know what I was to do for my community. She stated that she stopped asking the Creator that question because he took her son. Her son was killed in a car accident due to drunken driving. He was a young person. At the wake, there were many young people sitting by his side. He was teaching them what alcohol and drugs can do to the community. ‘Now I no longer ask what I can do for my community. I just use my ‘asema’ [tobacco] and every day I say thank you because now I know what I have to do for my community.


Ojibwe believe that everything is connected and that we go back to the earth. Ceremonies include coping strategies. The Ojibwe do not cry around a dead baby or person. They believe if tears fall on the baby, even though he is dead, tears will come out of him, too. The Ojibwe are told to be strong. If you must cry, go cry by a tree or by a rock. Drinking by parents is prohibited for one year after death because bad habits started at that time will last the rest of your life.


26 VOICES FROM THE COMMUNITY: CROSS CULTURAL EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF AT THE LOSS OF AN INFANT


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