APPENDIX A CreatinG Your GenoGraM


During these sessions, you’ll be working on something called a genogram. Appendix B explains genograms in more detail, but for now, think of a genogram as a talking family tree. A typical family tree shows who was married to whom and who was born when, but a genogram also enables you to see patterns in family relationships. It helps put family relationships in perspective. Each session’s homework assignment builds on the previous one, until at the end of the six sessions, you will have a complete and detailed genogram of your family. The most valuable resources in finding out about your family are your mom, dad,


brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins—that is, your family. For you to create your genogram, you will need to speak with family members, or at least try. As soon as you can, arrange one-on-one conversations with each of your siblings, your parents, and any living grandparents, aunts, and uncles. While the more people you talk to the more complete your family picture will be, don’t worry if you can only make this happen with a handful of people. Face-to-face conversations may be more revealing, but phone calls, e-mails, and letters can be just as valuable. And don’t get overwhelmed by the idea of having a series of long, intense discussions with people you may barely know. Start with one conversation and if it leads to more, that’s great. Feel free to let Grandma or Auntie Sue just ramble a bit about their story, too. You never know what you’ll discover! Each chapter of Shaping Your Family’s Future will wrap up with a homework assignment


related to your genogram. In the instructions, you will find a list of questions that relate to that chapter’s theme. These questions aren’t meant to be a definitive list, but they should give you an idea of what is important—feel free to use as many or as few as you like and to add your own. Really, the questions you ask are less important than the answers you get. As you talk to other members of your family, listen for the emotions behind the stories. Listen to what they don’t say as well as what they do say. Look for patterns in relationships and recurrent themes, both within and across generations. Try to spot connections in family attitudes. The summary of FST in Appendix A offers some ideas on how to interpret the stories you hear. This project can be incredibly helpful as you unpack your family history. Even if you know a lot about your family, the process of connecting the stories can reveal patterns you


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