Chapter 2 GettinG to Know You


What we think we have discovered about ourselves is very superficial at first, so that real self-knowledge only comes after years of patient effort. —Harry Benjamin


T


here’s an old saying that the only constant in life is change. As children we tend to think of adults as complete. We think that once we get to be adults, we’ll be done with the mess of trying to figure ourselves out. But when we become adults, we realize that nothing could be further from the truth.


In many ways, our sense of self changes more during adulthood than at any other stage of life. The situation doesn’t improve when we become parents. Often, the role you thought might finally make you feel like an adult makes you realize how much you still have to learn. But that’s what makes this the best time to take a closer look at how you view yourself.


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