SHAPING YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE


4 • YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FUTURE


the kind of family you want to shape with your co-parent and child. It allows you to say: We want to be a family where we trust each other and feel safe with one another (a connected family). We want to be a family that can adapt to the inevitable changes life will bring (a flexible family). We want to be a family where everyone can express their ideas, hopes, dreams, frustrations, and struggles (a communicative family). This process can then lead you to consider how you will create that kind of family. For examples of how this parenting vision affects a family, listen to the


story of Tom and Carolyn by clicking the button. Once you create a vision of parenting, hold onto it rather loosely.


Parenting is not an “if/then” proposition. You can do everything right and things can still go wrong. Don’t let that discourage you. There will be an abundance of happy surprises as well! But remember: parenting is not a job or a role. It’s a relationship that will grow and change in unpredictable ways. Not only will expectations change as your children grow, but you will change as well. In ten years, you will not be the same parent, nor the same person, you are now. So be prepared to revisit your goals and dreams as you and your family move through life together. For more insight, click the Talk It Over button.


Listen to Tom & Carolyn’s story


analyzing Your Family of origin As you think back on your family of origin, you may have a hard time describing how your family helped shape your view of children. It can be helpful to think in terms of metaphors or word pictures. These can create a clearer sense of the relationship between the adults and the children in your family of origin. Each of the following metaphors represents one of what psychologists think of as four basic parenting styles. Naturally, there are different levels within these metaphors and most families will demonstrate a range of parenting styles over time. Still, it’s likely that one metaphor prevails in every family.


4B•TALK IT OVER For example, some families practice authoritarian parenting. Using the metaphor of


a drill sergeant, the parent’s role is to “train” the child. This is accomplished through clear expectations, firm discipline, and unquestioned authority. Parents in this metaphor judge


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