SHAPING YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE


4 • YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FUTURE


received from your family. When you do, you’ll find yourself on your way to becoming the kind of parent you want to be. For an example of how you may sort through these messages, listen to the story of Naomi by clicking the button. For some, the idea of attempting a more meaningful connection with their family of origin might feel unwise. If that’s the case, talk with your pastor or a therapist about other pathways to healing old wounds while avoiding further trauma. The whole purpose of creating new connections is to help you build a healthy family life for you and your children. In your journey to wholeness you have to remember that any changes you make have a ripple effect in your family of origin. The goal is not to revisit painful issues you’ve worked hard to overcome. Dealing with your parenting heritage will be an essential step in becoming the kind of


Listen to Naomi’s story


parent you want to be. In many ways parenting is where we tie ourselves to our past. It is one of the only areas in your life where most of us have just one primary example—our parents. So, parenting is a part of your adult life where your family system has had a huge impact. But you can overcome the negatives of your past by thinking beyond your assumptions about parenthood. You can begin to heal by replacing these automatic assumptions and reactions with a clear, intentional vision for the family that you are creating.


Dealing with your parenting heritage will be an essential step in becoming the kind of parent you want to be.


the Purpose of Parenting One model of family life that can be a helpful guide as you think about your parenting


goals is Olson’s Circumplex Model. Social scientist David H. Olson developed this model to help therapists assess the ways in which families function. Olson proposes three measures of family health: cohesion, flexibility, and communication. The most successful families find a balance within each of these three areas. While this might sound complicated, it’s worth investigating. This model can help you and your co-parent develop a clearer vision of the kind of family you would like to create.


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