SHAPING YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE Fusion


Both the level and tone of relationship conflict relate to our families of origin. There is not necessarily a one-to-one correlation between quantity and intensity of conflict. In fact, this is an area where people often react to their family of origin through fusion. You’ll recall that fusion is the way in which people remain connected to the emotional, behavioral, religious, and other patterns of their family, either by repeating the pattern (positive fusion) or by doing the exact opposite (negative fusion). The first step in establishing an approach to conflict that works for you and your co-parent is to recognize the places of fusion in your assumptions about conflict.


Fusion, both the negative and positive types, makes it difficult for you and your co-parent to develop patterns of conflict that reflect the kind of relationship you want to have. This is where you need to pay close attention to the patterns you see in your family of origin and make conscientious decisions to choose which ones you want to carry into your family life.


For more about this, click the button to listen to Miko's story. For additional insight, click the Talk It Over button.


3B•TALK IT OVER Cutoff


At its most extreme, fusion can result in something called cutoff. Cutoff happens when we sever ourselves from undesirable feelings and experiences or from unpleasant relationships. Sometimes a cutoff is physical—a family member moves away and severs contact. Other times, it is strictly emotional—a mother may refuse to have a deep relationship with a daughter despite geographical closeness.


3 • MAKING A MARRIAGE


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