SHAPING YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE


TALK IT OVER


• Did anyone in your family hold a grudge against someone else in the family? How was that grudge addressed? What did this situation teach you about how to deal with conflict?


• In what ways does your conflict style reflect the way conflict was handled in your family of origin?


• Discuss a recent conflict where you feel you and your co-parent handled the situation in a healthy, productive way.


• Now discuss a recent conflict that left one or both of you feeling hurt or angry. What can you learn from these two experiences?


• What conflict skills do you feel you need to develop in order to have a healthy approach to conflict in your relationship with your co-parent?


Return to Chapter 3 3C


• What are some of the triangles that exist in your relationship? How can you break these and get to the real issues between you?


• Talk about a time when you have used one of the “Four Horsemen” in a conflict. What was your motivation for using this behavior?


• Together, brainstorm other ways you could have resolved that conflict without bringing in one of the Horsemen.


• Think of three long-standing conflicts that keep coming up between the two of you. What new conflict resolution skills could you use to help you move toward resolution on these issues? Some possibilities might be: - Define the problem(s) that spark the conflict. - Focus on one issue at a time. - Restrict your comments to specific behaviors. - Choose each other as teammates to find possible solutions to the problem, rather than viewing your co-parent as on the opposing team.


- Agree on a workable solution that will help you deal with the conflicts you will have in the future.


47


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