SHAPING YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE


3 • MAKING A MARRIAGE


require huge amounts of time, energy, patience, and attention. Dr. John Gottman is a nationally recognized expert on marriage. He notes that 40 to 70 percent of couples experience stress, profound conflict, and a drop in satisfaction with their relationship once the demands of parenting kick in (see http:/


/www.gottman.com). The couples that weather this change best,


says Gottman, are those who had a strong and solid friendship before they became parents. The value of this friendship can’t be underestimated. We long to be known and loved


for who we are. God created us to be in meaningful relationships. That’s why marriage is such a precious gift from God, one that is worth tending and preserving. As you are discovering, the family in which you grew up influences much of what you


bring to a relationship. This session, then, will focus on the ways your family of origin shaped your beliefs about marriage. It will help you build the kind of strong, stable friendship with your partner that you need as you transition into parenthood.


Marriage is a precious gift from God, one that is worth tending and preserving.


Facing reality Studies suggest that the way adults perceive their


parents’ marriage has the most influence on what they themselves expect of marriage. These perceptions become their blueprint for how to treat a spouse. That doesn’t mean you are destined to have a marriage exactly like your parents’. Rather, it suggests that your most basic ideas about marriage come from your impressions of your parents’ relationship. This is where what you’re learning about Family Systems Theory (FST) comes in handy. Your beliefs about marriage often come from the way you view the roles in your parents’ marriage. The more realistic your perception of your parents’ relationship is, the more likely you are to build a resilient relationship yourself. For more about this, click the button.


15


3A•TALK IT OVER


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