SHAPING YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE


4 • YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FUTURE


children by their willingness to follow orders without arguing or failing. A “good” child is the one who complies; a “bad” child is the one who resists. Another extreme form of parenting is neglectful parenting. Think about this method using an autopilot metaphor. Parents in this metaphor tend to be emotionally and/or physically neglectful. It is important to recognize that this neglect is not necessarily intentional. Autopilot parents may have no idea how to talk to their children, or feel overwhelmed by other concerns.


Finding the


balance of control and support is one of the biggest challenges of parenting.


Yet another parenting method is permissive parenting. Think about this parenting method as being the ‘softy’. These parents tend to respond to their children, rather than set up expectations and consequences for their children. The equation in their mind is “fewer rules mean more love,” and “more rules mean less love.” These parents often forgo corrective discipline or conflict because they don’t want their children to experience shame or guilt. A more balanced approach is authoritative


parenting. This method provides equal amounts of high support and moderate discipline. Think of this


parent as the gardener. In this metaphor, parents respond to the individual needs of their children. They provide a stable, safe environment in which the children can grow. They see themselves as in charge, but understand that each “plant” in their care has its unique needs. Obviously, the goal for you as co-


parents is to find a balance of control and support. This will help you live out the dreams you have for your family. Finding that balance is one of the biggest challenges of parenting. You may worry that you will make horrible mistakes that will scar your children for life. But


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