Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, 'Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Sat- urdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there.'
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says: "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possi-
ble, I'll do this favour for you." Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blind- ing flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike- -Mike." "Who is it?" Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe..." "You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe." insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a
little bad news." "'Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says, ―is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"'That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news?'" "You're in the team for Saturday."
Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in Donegal Town . After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police of- ficer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said Paddy , truly proud of him self. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy!
Supplied by Margareta Hamilton 41
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