childhood, to keep them safe, giving them appropriate language to express their emotions (for example, ‘I can see that you’re really angry/sad about that’) and to forge a positive view of themselves – remember that bullies (whether world leaders, family-members, work colleagues or school-ground bullies) are all pretty much guaranteed to have one thing in common – low self-esteem.
Many of the clients I meet in my work will describe how they tend to keep their feelings to themselves. There may have been very good reasons for this and it was probably a way of adapting to circumstances in the past, which most likely worked to an extent. Often, by the time they come to me, there has been a realisation on some level, that this tactic of keeping it all inside no longer works; in fact, it could be said to be a major contributory factor in their mental struggles. Repressing our emotions over a long period of time requires immense energy and can eventually result in us turning our feelings inwards towards ourselves, rather than directing them where they belong – this can lead to a very negative view and lack of compassion towards oneself.
So, talking works,
whether it’s with a therapist or a friend. Choose someone who won’t judge or jump into rescue mode and who is comfortable enough with their own
emotions, that they can tolerate yours.
We are a society that’s living on the edge, with so much focus on issues such as climate change, Brexit, job insecurity, mass shootings, terrorism and violent crime; it’s enough to make anyone feel anxious, angry or distressed. These are all normal responses to serious issues; however, keeping our focus purely on the future, most of which is unknown, means that we leave no space for the here-and-now. That’s where anxiety becomes a problem because we have limited control of the future but yet, we become preoccupied with trying to control it. We can help each other by normalising feelings such as anxiety but by balancing those feelings out with recognising the things that are good in our world and practising mindfulness to hold us in the present. If we look to find balance in our lives, then when one aspect is not going so well, we have other resources on which we can lean. You could start by looking at your connection with yourself and how well you balance these aspects of yourself be they physical, psychological, emotional, professional, spiritual or personal.
Many employers pay for staff mental health support, through private health schemes or Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs). This is a great ‘perk’, however, in my experience in working
with people referred through such schemes, some organisations fail miserably in providing some of the basic necessities that we all need to thrive in the workplace (and life in general). That includes a sense of being respected, being listened to, being valued and feeling safe…I could go on, but you get the idea. These basic needs don’t cost a penny but they do require a consistent effort and commitment to treat people as human beings. It’s not enough to come up with a set of company values, then have them plastered on walls, mugs, mouse mats and screensavers and then think, ‘job done’.
Create a working
environment for employees, where it’s safe to have a different opinion or be ‘different’.
It’s not always about financial
reward; thank people who’ve helped you out and praise people for their efforts – this is down to everyone to do. When people feel they have no voice or are invisible, this often leads to either resentment or withdrawal; not a great ingredient for productivity and certainly not conducive to good mental health.
Not all mental illness can be prevented but even in the most serious cases, there is something that can significantly help and it relates to most of what I’ve discussed: ‘connection’. We are wired for it, we don’t function well without it, but we can thrive when we have it.
Health GP SUPPORTED HOME CARE AGENCY PROVIDERS OF HEALTH CARE IN YOUR OWN HOME!
4Health Home Care Agency, Unit 1, Harbour Reach, La Rue de Cartret, St Helier JE3 4HR
Telephone: 01534 833835 • Mobile: 07700 809 521 • Email:
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