Thursday, 9th


November 2017


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29 Travelling Companions: Strangers Crossing Paths on Life’s Journey by DR ROSARII GRIFFIN


I have just been reflect- ing on the past two weeks, and in that short space of time, I have taken 8 flights, 6 for work purposes. In my job, it is either a feast or a famine. I go nowhere for ages, and then all of a sud- den, boom, it’s a feast of flights. I am not complain- ing, as it is nice to have the opportunity to visit other places, seeing how they live in Africa, in other EU countries, or indeed, the Middle East.


Heathrow As I sat in Heathrow


waiting for my connect- ing flight, I was observing all the different kinds of baggage there are. People passed me with backpacks, carrying sports type cases, or laptop cases, but most- ly they were pulling bags behind them on wheels. I remember when the bags on wheels first came out. That was a novel but log- ical development. In fact, one would wonder how it was not invented sooner. Then, you had progression with bags on four wheels, so it seems like people are bringing their luggage on an outing, out for a walk, like a family dog. Again, because of travel and lug- gage restrictions, all bags now are a certain size. At Heathrow, because it was no longer half-term time, I saw very few children in the new and gleaming Terminal 5. Only one man who was transporting his twin sons along on a piece of luggage that was cleverly adapted to bring toddlers on top. The odd person was running, late for a gate (usually this is me!). As I sat there lazily sipping my coffee, I en- joyed watching the world go by, especially as I was at my gate, on time for once.


Emergency exits More often than not,


I sit at the emergency exit seats on aeroplanes. Not necessarily for the pleasure of being the first person out of the plane in the event of a sudden


emergency, but rather for the extra leg room. Al- though this means you cannot have anything with you when the plane takes off, I think that is a small price to pay for the bene- fit of being able to stretch your legs in comfort and snooze. However, the last time I travelled, I had my children with me. They are not allowed to sit at emergency exits, so I sat on the aisle seat just one row behind the emergen- cy seats, ready to occupy an emergency seat (if one were free), and to join my partner once the kids had settled. As luck would have it, the middle seat in the emergency aisle was free for me to occupy.


Early Morning As it was an early morn-


ing flight, people were quietly snoozing, includ- ing my children. My part- ner beckoned me to join him. Once the plane had taken off, and the children had dozed off, I moved up with my book in hand to the next


row to join


him. The usual routine was to have a quiet chat, and then I would read my book as he dozed off. However, as I moved up and settled into the middle seat, I was greeted on my right by a chatty elderly, Kerry man who was keen to tell me all about his hol- iday. As he was a typical charming Kerry man, I listened with great inter- est. His holiday, which he was on for over a month with his wife and friends, sounded very pleasant. And then, being true to Kerry form, he asked me about our holiday. At this point, my partner put on his earplugs to block out our ongoing conversation. He could not be listening to this endless chatter at this ungodly hour of the morning! Conscious of his impatience, I tried to politely round up the con- versation with this Ker- ry gentleman, but to no avail. This retired Kerry farmer was only just get- ting warmed up! At this point, my partner suggest- ed I return to my children to see what they wanted from the trolley which was now making its way down the aisle. I took the oppor- tunity to excuse myself politely and return to my seat to join my children. In any case, I knew if I didn’t


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go, my partner would! But this move also gave me the opportunity to contin- ue reading and snoozing in peace. I knew I would not get as much as a par- agraph read in the seat ahead, even though I was enjoying the conversation. However, I didn’t feel like conversing the entire time through a 2 and a half hour flight, especially as I had set my alarm for 5am that morning and was feeling exhausted by now!


Children My youngest daughter


was not keen to fly. On her last flight, her ears did not pop for a day, and she was in pain during that time. So, she was dreading this flight. This time however, the take-off was pleasant and gradual, as the plane did not soar so sharply, thus her ears adjusted eas- ily. In any case, her favour- ite Spanish au-pair had been in touch and advised her to use headphones to stop the popping. She did so and that


seemed


to work. Although it may have been psychosomatic, she did not complain af- terwards! It’s funny when kids first travel on a plane, to hear the kind of ques- tions they ask. I remember when we first travelled, she wanted to know if she could open her airplane window? And, was it pos- sible to touch the clouds? And if she could she get out to walk on the clouds, would they hold her up, like a bouncy castle? The clouds looked like candy floss, she would proclaim! The questions and obser- vations were so cute, I saw many nearby passengers smiling or laughing. They later asked me, ‘is this their first time flying?’. At the time, it was. They were four and six years old then. Of course, now they are a bit older and wiser, but nevertheless, they still ask cute questions, albeit slightly more sophisticated due to age.


Sky Shopping As my regular readers


now will know, I am not a shopper. I only do accesso- ry shopping when I have to or when I am trapped! This tends to happen on aeroplanes. When I get the in-flight magazine, I might purchase some make up or jewellery that I need, or other goodies


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or presents that seem rea- sonably priced. The only other shopping I do is food shopping as that has to be done. At supermar- kets, I may buy clothes for everyday use, like jeans, tee-shirts, scarves, or hats. Good quality clothes I buy in boutiques during their sales. Outside of that, I cannot bear shopping. I find big clothes shops too stimulating and hard-go- ing. I get a headache from all the options. That’s why I love small shops. You have just a few items to choose from, and that is it. Not grand selections. No rifling through lines of endless clothing. For me, it’s very simple: x or y, and maybe even z if you are lucky. Even choosing my wedding dress was like that. The first wedding dress shop I went into, I chose three dresses, and having tried them all on, bought the second of the three. That was it. Done and dusted. No great or grand drama. No fuss. No great shakes. Once, I remember shopping for a ball. I found a lovely dress. Then I did a stupid thing and checked out all the other shops for the rest of the day, only to return to the first shop to buy the original dress I had fallen in love with. So, for me, there was a lesson in that. Trust your instincts, and just go for it! It saves time, energy, drama and major headaches!


Rail Traveling When rail travelling, my


colleagues have an unwrit- ten rule: we never travel together! Mostly, we want to work whilst traveling, or read, or have some quiet time. We don’t necessarily want to be talking shop, or get into personal conversa- tions. So, funnily enough, when work colleagues ask what train or bus or plane others are getting, it is or- dinarily for the purpose of not getting the same one! While I like my own company and books, my preference is to talk to per- fect strangers when trave- ling. I’m usually intrigued about what I learn.


Perfect Strangers On my last journey to


Dublin, an overtly gay young man sat opposite and insisted on talking to two of us who happened to be sitting at


the same


table (all of us being per- fect strangers to each oth- er). In the course of the train ride, he voluntarily (and uninitiated) shared his entire life story with us. While I wasn’t particu- larly interested, I became intrigued. He didn’t look typically Irish, even if he spoke with a thick Irish ac- cent. It transpired he was adopted from Romania, by an Irish professional couple. His natural moth- er, a Russian lady, was an unmarried single girl who could not afford to keep him, so left him at an or- phanage in the hope he would get adopted into a better life. It took his Irish adoptive


parents (both


solicitors) two years to secure his adoption. By the time that happened, he was already three years old. Subsequently, in his twenties, his Irish parents separated. Now thirty, he was commuting between Dublin and Limerick vis- iting both parents and their new partners, whom he proclaimed ‘spoiled him rotten’. Studded and tattooed everywhere, this overtly gay guy ‘Mark’ prided himself on having lots of girl friends (as just friends), but told us he was on the look out for a decent boyfriend. The girl sitting opposite me seemed fas- cinated, and in the course of conversation revealed she was Swiss, was also in her thirties, and also com- muted between her par- ents who were divorced. That seemed to me like a very common theme – a modern day trend! I was glad when this rail journey came to an end, as I was drawn into a conversation I was not necessarily inter- ested in or cared about. Despite this, I was howev- er fascinated.


Return Journey On the same return


journey from Dublin, I met a different kind of character. Again, given my early start that morn- ing, I was tired and just wanted to doze and chill out. However, the man opposite was intent


on


talking. ‘Busy train isn’t it?’ he said quietly. ‘Yes’, I agreed smiling, ‘it is busy’. Then he proceeded to tell me about his day. He was coming from a fu- neral. His brother-in-law had died suddenly, and he was returning to Tip-


perary from the wake but had to go back to Dublin the following day for the funeral. His brother-in- law had dropped dead without any warning. He and his wife had visited this perfect stranger sit- ting opposite me the pre- vious weekend, and he had seemed perfectly fine. Tomorrow, they would be burying him. My traveling friend was clearly still in shock. I felt bad for him, and knowing he would be getting off the train in a few stops, I made a spe- cial effort to chat to him. Through that conversa- tion, it transpired that his father knew my uncle very well, in fact, they would have canvassed together. My uncle was now in his 80s, so I said I would ask him about this man’s Dad (though now deceased), and I wrote down his fa- ther’s name in my diary. We agreed it was a small world. As his train stop approached, he shook my hand firmly, thanking me for my time. Although ex- hausted from my busy day, I reflected that despite my tiredness, it is good to make time to listen to oth- ers. This man was griev- ing, and probably needed to chat to someone - a per- fect stranger with a sym- pathetic ear. I reflected on that conversation for the remainder of the journey, thinking how strange life can be when two perfect strangers can talk in an empathetic way, and then part company without ever crossing paths again. That is possibly the es- sence of humanity: shar- ing human experiences without any expectation whatsoever.


Social Media Then I look around and


I see the younger gener- ation in a world of their own: ear phones on, tap- ping at iPhones, iPads and other mobile devices. All locked within their own social milieu. Maybe this is the new form of com- munication where the younger generation share similar experiences, but online. Is it the same? I don’t know. Would they experience the same kind of human satisfaction? I don’t know. Is the inter- action as real or effective? Does it feel the same as with perfect strangers, sharing common expe-


riences, albeit online? Is it as powerful as one-to- one human interaction without an intermediary device? Who knows, only time will tell I suppose. All I know is that when I call up a utilities company or store, all I want is to talk to ‘a real human being’ and not a machine. Nor do I want to press 1 for this or 2 for that, without ever getting any satisfaction. I often wonder and reflect on how difficult it must be for the older generation who struggle


with new


technologies. Like Vincent Browne, who talked about ‘the Tweet Machine’ and other such messaging de- vices. Do older people feel totally left behind with modern technology? There is often no address to write in to anymore, or even a contact number to phone. It’s just send a text, drop an email, or leave a message on some an- swering machine at some anonymous multi-national company: a faceless giant, a seemingly unaccounta- ble business entity float- ing in the ether. I often wonder how the


older


generation cope especial- ly when I find modernity so difficult to grapple with myself ? I only engage with technology on a ‘need-to- know’ basis. Otherwise, I have to be dragged kick- ing and screaming into the modern era of IT apps, mobile devices and cloud technology. Oh to be adept at such things!


Moral of the story So, if there is a moral to


this article, it is this. Take time to talk to your neigh- bour when on a journey. It may be an older per- son trying to connect with the younger generation, wanting to share their life experiences. Or it may be a lonely person grieving from an unexpected loss, wanting to share


their


emotional burden with a perfect stranger. You will never know what oppor- tunity you miss out on when you choose your earphones over someone who may need a listening ear. Be that listening ear. It may also help to reconnect you with your own hu- manity, for someday, you may very well need that listening perfect stranger too. Contact Rosarii at info@eastcorkjournal.ie or @rosarii_griffin.


Tel: 021 463 8000 • Email: info@eastcorkjournal.ie • Web: www.eastcorkjournal.ie


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