68 Feature
THE HERALD FRIDAY FEBRUARY 10 2017
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BEREAVEMENT may affect
people in different ways and the death of a loved one can be emotionally devastating. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, although there are many places you can go to for help and support. You may feel a lot of emotions at
this time and powerful feelings of loss may come unexpectedly. Like waves on a beach, bereavement
may feel like a gentle current lapping at your feet or a strong wave that may knock you over. There are four stages of bereavement
that are generally accepted amongst experts: • Accepting that your loss is real • Experiencing the pain of grief • Adjusting to life without the person who has died
• Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new and moving on Throughout this time you will
most likely go through all these stages, although the transition from one to the next may not be a smooth process. Grief can often feel chaotic and out of control
to begin with, however over time these feelings will eventually become less intense. It is advised that at this time you should give yourself time to process these emotions and they will pass. Often the first reaction to death is
shock and numbness, as you may feel you’re in a daze. An overwhelming feeling of sadness
may follow accompanied by allot of crying Following heavy spells of emotion
tiredness and exhaustion may be experienced. This may be followed by anger,
towards God, the person who has died or the illness they suffered with. Feelings of guilt may be experienced
due to feelings of angry, or about something you said or didn’t say prior to their death; you may even feel guilty because you couldn’t prevent their death. All these feelings are normal and
negative feelings do not make you a bad person, each emotion is part of the natural process of grief. Guilt due to feelings of anger is
very common, however, it is OK to feel angry and question why your loss has
happened. Following bereavement people
can also experience forgetfulness and difficulty in concentrating. As your mind is distracted by the grief you may lose things such as your wallet or keys. This is also a normal part of the process. When you are trying to cope and
come to terms with your grief talking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Relying on family or friends can be
the best support for some people. But if you don’t feel you have such family support it is important to not try and go through this alone. You can contact local bereavement services through your GP, local hospice or the national Cruse helpline on 0844 477 9400. Bereavement counsellors are
available to offer you support and time in order to talk about your feelings relating to the person who has died, your relationship, family, work, fears and the future. Access to a bereavement counsellor
is availed at any time, even if the person you lost died a long time ago. People close to you may avoid
mentioning your bereavement as they don’t want to upset you. This is not intended to make you feel isolated and if you feel you need to talk about the person who has died don’t be afraid to reach out to others. Once the initial grief has passed anniversaries, birthdays and other special occasions can be hard. It is important to give yourself the time to process these feelings. This may involve taking a day off work, commemorating your loved one in some special way or just taking the space you need through going for a walk or sitting in peace. This period may be shorter or longer
for some people, but it is generally believed that it takes around 18 months for the initial grieving process to pass. Each bereavement process is unique and it is impossible to predict your personal path.
However, if you feel that you need
help to move on you should contact your GP, bereavement counsellor or religious minister, people often seek help if they: • Can’t get out of bed
• Are neglecting themselves or their family, though not eating or isolating themselves
• Have feelings that they can’t go on without the person they have lost.
The emotions are so intense that
it is affecting the rest of their lives, for example, they can’t face going to work or are taking their anger out on someone else.
All these feelings are normal when
they are occurring for a small amount of time, however, if your family or loved ones have expressed concern of if you feel things are taking longer than you’d like then your GP can refer you to a specialist or monitor your general health and wellbeing. During times of bereavement,
some people may even turn to alcohol or drugs. Addiction can be harmful and counterproductive. If you feel you need help with alcohol consumption issues visit
http://www.nhs.uk/change4life/ Pages/
cutting-down-alcohol.aspx or contact your GP
SLEEPYHOLLOW
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