Issue 29 / July 2011
Issue 30 / August 2011 iz
THE GUESTLIST NETWORK
www.guestlist.net
Qu WHAT KIND OF TRANSPORT USER ARE YOU?
It’s a universal thing - you get on your bus/tube/tram (who the hell uses trams?!) and immediately suss out your fellow passengers; but what do the other passengers think of you? Take this quiz to find out!
1. How often do you use public transport?
A. As little as possible; I’d rather walk 7 miles barefoot in the pouring rain than step on the bus B. Every day, it’s the only way I get around C. As often as possible, I love the atmosphere on a packed tube D. Rarely, I save it for special oc- casions
2. What do you do on a long tube journey?
A. Fidget B. Play loud music on my phone, rapping along, regularly kissing my teeth and muttering about mandem C. Engage people around me in conversation; it’s the perfect op- portunity to make friends D. Drink my White Ace from a Tesco bag and mumble ominously in fluctuating volumes
3. What do you always bring with you when you use the bus?
A. My oyster, anti-bacterial gel, pep- per spray and my spare oyster B. My phone, my flat peak and my hard-man glare C. My acoustic guitar; people love a good sing-along. All together now - we all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine....
D. Alcohol and urine. I carry both in the fabric of my trousers
4. If you were rich, what would be your ideal mode of trans- port?
C. A Volkswagen van; I would drive around giving pedestrians lifts for free D. A bicycle with a basket on the front for my stuff and a mattress on the back
area where public transport isn’t necessary; minimal human interac- tion seems like the safest option B. New York; every journey’s a chance to prove what you’re made of C. Peru; the buses are a place of
6. What is the design on your oyster card wallet?
A. I make sure I always have the most recently TFL allocated wallet; I’m not sure if you’re legally obli- gated but better safe than sorry B. I can’t remember what it originally was ‘cos now it’s just covered in my street tag C. I symbolically burnt both my oyster and its wallet outside the sta- tion where I’d just bought them in a protest against their role in the Big Brother state D. Why are you asking me about wallets? Are you taking the piss?! And what’s an oyster card?
7. How do small children and elderly people on public trans- port make you feel?
A. Constantly apprehensive. What
A. The giant bubbles that children born without immune systems use B. A hench 4x4 with a f*ck-off engine - people best not be gettin’ in my way
MADARA TRAVEL KIT
Going away on holiday? Don’t forget to pack your favourite beauty products so you can continue your daily skincare routine wherever you are in the world.
MÁDARA, the eco-friendly cult skincare range from Latvia, has brought out a compact travel set (RRP £6.95) that contains all essential products needed to enjoy a short break away from home. The kit comprises of some of the brand’s best-selling products, including the Delicate Cleansing Cream, Deep Moisture Fluid, Regenerating Night Cream and Eye Repair Cream.
All MÁDARA products contain typical Baltic herbs and plants like calendula, plantain and rosehip, which are powerful and effective in protecting the skin. Due to the harsh Baltic climate, these plants are forced to concentrate all of their strength on the short blossoming period to attract bees to continue their reproduction cycle the following summer. It is this high level of active ingredients that makes MÁDARA skincare so unique and effective.
Available from Wholefoods and www.
madara.co.uk
beautiful 100% NATURAL skin care using delicate FLOWERS from the BALTIC meadows and forests
no animal testing natural & organic chemical-free
Available in Wholefoods Kensington, Selfridges and other selected stores
www.madara.co.uk
5. Which country’s public trans- port system do you admire most?
A. I would rather live in an isolated
intimacy where man and animal can commune while they commute D. I want a house
if they’re not that old and they get offended if I offer them my seat? What if they are old and get of- fended if I don’t ask? What if I offer her my seat but she’s not actually pregnant, just fat? What if I don’t see the child and accidentally stand on it?! B. Don’t old people have special disabled buses? They shouldn’t be allowed on with normal people C. Everyone is welcome, the kids love my singsongs D. If I can tell the difference be- tween them I need more White Ace.
9
Mostly A’s Bit of a nervous fella aren’t you? Between your twitchy eyes, nervous sweating and heavy breathing people generally choose not to sit next to you. It would only make you more nervous anyway.
Mostly B’s Nobody likes you, nobody thinks you’re cool and nobody thinks you’re tough. Get some headphones.
Mostly C’s So you’re one of those hippies, then. That’s all well and good, but London has a bit of a public transport etiquette thing going on that involves NEVER acknowledging each other. Ever noticed people leaving the carriage just to move to the next one? That’s because of you. Maybe leave the guitar at home next time.
Mostly D’s People definitely don’t want to sit next to you. This is largely because you smell of urine and stale ale but as long as you maintain your regular state of deep inebriation I can’t imagine it really ever bothers you.
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