life from a dog’s perspective. ALL THAT COUNTS IS HERE AND NOW.


Life from a Dog’s Perspective is a series written for The New Barker by Guinness, the Pembroke Welsh Corgi, as told to his human, Lon Martin. Photograph of Guinness dressed as Doctor Who, by Lon Martin.


Now that the elections are over, I want to thank everyone who voted for me! It was a long race and now, as the official POTUS-elect (Pemby On TARDIS Ultra Superhero), I will bark up the right trees and never roll over (unless it’s for a yummy treat). In fact, I know this past year has been a ruff one for a lot of people. So, I want to encourage you to channel your inner canine. No spoil- ers, but as the Doggie Timelord, or as I’m called, The DOGTOR. I have travelled all over space and time and guess what? No matter what happens, it’s all rel- ative.


Hang on to your whiskers and


check it out. If today is yesterday’s tomorrow, then we’re all already living essentially in our own future. You’re here and I’m here and it’s all okay. It’s all timey-wimey-diggity-doggie stuff, right? So, how do you channel your


inner pooch? Well, DAWG, I’m glad you asked. Here are three basics to K- 9 Zen: Forget to worry. Dogs don’t lie


around and find stuff to worry about. ‘Does this leash make me look fat? What happens if a giant squirrel steps on me? Should I wash that gray right outta my fur? Where is Waldo, anyways?’ Nope.


100 THE NEW BARKER


We’d rather sleep on it–pretty much all day; and usually stretched out on our back, sharing it with the world. Make friends and fun. A cor-


dial sniff and a nose bump among friends are time honored canine tradi- tions. So are yawning with your mouth wide open, sneezing right in your owner’s face (and looking inno- cently cute at the same time), racing through puddles, chomping at sprinklers, sniffing out the aromatic carcass de jour, and of course, shaking off your wet fur next to people just for the reaction. HA! Nothing beats a


dog joke. Enjoy the ride. Prop your face


out the window, let your tongue hang out and the wind will catch your jowls (and your drool, which coinci- dentally creates a higher, but seldom appreciated, form of art – Slobberffiti). Nose your way up to the front seat through the middle section (you know they always have snacks up there). See if you can wag your tail (or nub) in sync with the windshield wipers. Look directly at the driver in the car next to you at a red light, and burp. 2017 is tomorrow’s past, so take


paws. Then live it like you want to remember it. U


www.TheNewBarker.com


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