Did I read that sign right?


In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UP- SIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICY- CLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOU CAR


Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR


Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.


On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).


Fashion do’s and don’ts for


senior citizens


Despite what you may have seen on the streets the following combinations DO NOT go together.


 A nose ring and bifocals.    Gelled hair and a bald patch.    Pierced tongues and dentures.    Mini-skirts and support stockings.    Ankle bracelets and corn pads.    Speedos and cellulite    Belly button ring with gall bladder surgery scar.


  Unbuttoned disco shirt and a heart monitor


   Midriff shirts and midriff bulge.   Bikinis and liver spots.    Short shorts and varicose veins.    In-line skates and a zimmer frame.


But otherwise YOU’RE LOOKING GREAT. 60


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