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info@eastcorkjournal.ie
Thursday, 21st
December 2017
Coping With Christmas
which we are uncomforta- ble, to drink more than is healthy, to eat more than is good. Sadly, Christmas Spirit has morphed into Christmas Stress. So in this piece I thought
by SALLY O’REILLY I do love Christmas -
honestly I do - but parts of it make me want to gouge my own eyes out ... Have you noticed that
in recent years people are referring to Christmas as ‘stressful’ more often? The shops have been decorated for weeks now, the TV ads are blaring, social media pop ups are...popping... The hype is bigger than ever - but to what end?
Where has the Christmas Spirit gone?? For many, the
I’d share with you some of the most common (yes, they’re common, you’re absolutely not a freak!:)) concerns that people of all ages in particular bring into therapy during the ‘festive’ season. Because it doesn’t always feel festive. And so, in no particular
order:
Q: How will I fit everyone in? Visiting, hosting, feeding??! A: You mightn’t. That’s
the reality. When we accept the uncertainty around this then we
experience glowy
Christmassy warmth we all hold dear is hiding behind a growing pressure. Pres- sure to buy, to conform, to be happy, festive, cheerful. To be with people around
less stress. No one expects more of you than you do of yourself. And also know this: other peoples’ enjoy- ment is not your responsi- bility. This might feel alien to you, but it’s true now, as it is true at all times. #Tip- ForLife
we
This is the time when are
most spend time A: It’s true, your kids likely to with people
with whom we are mild- ly uncomfortable, all the way up to terrified. You’re probably picturing people right now as you read. It’s OK to avoid these people - tradition is simply habit, it’s not a rule. Thankfully, traditions can be dropped, changed or even reinvent- ed. If
the choice to visit
someone is ultimately bet- ter for you than to avoid them, then I suggest you limit your time, and set up a reward for yourself for afterwards. This’ll give you something nice to think about while you’re grinning and bearing. Again though - check if
you’re certain that the risk is worth it. Particularly if the person / people are abusive. Even (for some, especially) if they are fam- ily. It is not your ‘duty’ to put yourself in harm’s way.
Q: I can’t afford the latest gadgets for my kids - what will I do?
may want the newer cooler ‘whatever’, but the reality may well be that you can- not provide it. Some par- ents find this more difficult than others. Saying ‘no’ can be hard at the best of times, or embarrassing if it’s for purely financial rea- sons. But here’s the thing – it’s OK, good even, to say no to children. We are teaching them that ‘want- ing’ is not the same as ‘be- ing entitled to’. This is an essential lesson for all little (and large) humans who need to function in a group / society/ country. There is no shame. Please don’t feel shame. Plus, in ten years’ time it
is likely that your children won’t remember what you gave them each Christmas or how much it cost. They will remember how they felt, the time you spent with them, the atmosphere in your home, your mood. The label and price tag on their toy /gadget will pale in comparison to the value of
their you. Last Minute Gift Ideas
Gift Vouchers There’s a reason gift
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eastcorkjournal @eastcorkjournal / #eastcorkjournal relationship with
Here are some compro-
mise ideas: 1: Look through local
charity shops, eBay, online bargain basements, local swap sites - check Face- book. 2: If you feel comfortable
enough with them, suggest to your extended family that instead of gifts, they give small amounts of cash to your child/children. It teaches your kids about the value of and responsibility for money, and it will ease your burden. 3: If you can afford to
do so, consider buying just one device
to share. This might cause friction... but
for your kids learning to
cooperate is part of learn- ing to be a human!
Q: How can I afford to buy all the gifts that I want to buy for everyone else? A: By being realistic. If
you are a ‘normal’ person, you have a limited amount of money. This won’t change in the next
two
weeks, barring a lotto win! My suggestion is that you sit down with yourself and write a list of who you want to buy for and how much
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you are willing to spend. While you’re doing this,
remember that your friend- ship/relationship doesn’t depend on how much you spend on your gift. (If it does, then perhaps your concern belongs with the relationship, not the gift). Another idea is to sit
down with your friends and consider making an agree- ment
either to not buy
each other gifts, or to have a strict limit on how much you spend on a token gift and stick to it. You’ll most likely hear a series of re- lieved breathes. If it’s too late and you’ve splashed out, don’t
be
afraid to return for the re- fund. Your peace of mind has more value than any- thing you’ve bought.
Q: When will I get my Christmas outfit? My hair done? My nails done? A: I’ll answer with an-
other question: are these essentials? As with visiting and catering, this is one of those rituals that we’ve come to think of as es- sentials.
In truth though, they are treats, and if you
really have the money and the time, go for it. Because, yes, you ARE worth it – but only if it doesn’t come at a personal cost!! If a treat be- comes an ordeal, then... is it truly a treat?
Q: What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel happy like all the shiny families in the ads? A: Nothing. Yes, nothing. The mad- ness is around us, not in us.
ing, tired, sick, lonely this year:
You might be griev- these feelings mean
you need care and loving attention. Especially now. Pretense, glitter and tinsel won’t cut it. And like I said, you’re worth it! Sally O’Reilly is a Psy-
chologist, Psychotherapist & Clinical Supervisor in private
practice in East
Cork with twenty years’ full time experience. She has a special interest in working with teenagers and writes for
Voiceboks.com, Fami-
lyFriendlyHQ.com as well as her own blog sallyoreilly. com. For more info contact her through her
site, on
0872338804 or on Twitter @psychosal.
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