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A


Your Duck is Dead


woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she


laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and lis- tened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she pro- tested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amaze- ment, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examina- tion table and sniffed the duck from


T


he local news station was inter- viewing an 80-year-old lady be-


cause she had just got married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupa- tion. "He's a funeral director," she an- swered.


"Interesting," the newsman thought.


He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing


top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifia- bly, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer termi- nal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Re- port and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."


time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explain- ing that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.


The interviewer looked at her, quite as- tonished, and asked why she had mar- ried four men with such diverse careers.


She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."


60


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