The Billy Awards! by Benjie Davis


It’s been a superb season for not only polo but for socialising and having a good party or two in the clubhouse. Anton’s been up on the bar in his high heels more than once. The kitchen’s been raided by both Labrador and polo player alike during the night. Ed and Ali have been found in the morning tucked up asleep together in the changing room more or less once a week. And finally Charlie Ham pronounced the Dubai after party, his favourite social function of the summer, a resounding success.


Parties here traditionally finish at midnight. Not only did one of these parties continue well past this point but something called the midnight chukka club was formed. I won’t name names… except obviously I will. Our very own Lady Godiva, Litzi Teroeder was hooning around the number one ground in the moonlight. Amongst others there was also Ali Paterson looking like a Mexican bandit in the darkness, riding bareback because he was too squiffy to do a girth up. We’ve checked Anne’s records and this is actually the only match Freddie wasn't present to Umpire all season.


Tiddly Winks, curling, water-skiing and throwing the javelin are all sports that haven't been played at Ham Polo Club. Until now in one of those cases. Nicholas’ priceless ceremonial Indian bamboo lances are both precious to him and guarded closely. But where there’s temptation there’s inevitably Ali, Patrick and Bianca, three keen track and field athletics enthusiasts. The lances were purloined, the lances were thrown, Gold to Great Britain, Silver to the German team and Bronze to Austria.


So our first Billy award will have to go to the mixed javelin finalists Ali, Patrick and Bianca.


Sartorial Award for Team Turnout The Kazakhstan national polo team, who turned up at Ham in what can only be described as Deliveroo uniforms. - Arriving that Saturday morning we were all faced with the same question: was Juan seriously ordering Byron Burger for breakfast? And how many drivers did it really require?


Tony - For matching the new Lambo to the Hollywood shirts


Gus for asking for a Fergus Homes team photo in the 56 HPC • THE LONDON POLO CLUB


splendid new shirts, then saying ‘Oh no, it’s not for the mantel piece, it’s for my accountant.’


WINNER:


Garrie - not just for the exquisite team turnout and luminous tent but for taking a box of 200 Vendetta baseball caps to Newport as fan giveaways.


Best Polo Excuses and Demands


Jacaranda’s Henry de by for suggesting whilst Guards play the Queens Cup final at their grounds in Windsor all polo at Ham is cancelled.


Ed Courage - who’s clocked off work early for 15 separate fictional dental appointments this summer.


Patrick who booked in his team for the Billy Walsh and then remembered he was away that entire week.


Ba Pataudi who finishes every match booking with a request not to be thrashed again this week.


Our Polo Manager is used to typical polo excuses like I have a game at Guards, Cowdray and Berkshire, I have a meeting, I’m only in London on for one day, I can’t leave the office till 7:45, I have a flight at 8:00 and that’s just Heiko booking chukkas. This year though the new ladies tournament brought a whole new baffling list of no play requests to poor Will. Upon trying to move Fridays polo to Saturday Will discovered that four of the girls were having their hair done tomorrow, three more had a manicure two were having lunch, together and another was just shopping.


Will was confused by this new list of problems, he found himself wondering if he too should have his hair and nails done. He could go shopping? But for what?


WINNERS:


For that reason the Ham Ladies take this Billy and I’ll ask the tournament organiser.


The Mikey Goodwill Business Idea of the Future Award


For those of you who don’t know, when Mikey’s not locked in Richmond Park with two school ponies and


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