STYLE | Feature


Lady Penelope


Always to the point, the practically perfect Lady Penelope resolves readers’ issues, problems and general ignorance… with style


Make a statement


I want a whole new look to my living room, but I’m on a tight budget. What can I do?


Don’t start making things out of pallets – it’s so passé and in any case they’re like hen’s teeth to get hold of these days. Vintage never goes out of style, but even this is hard to find and more expensive than it deserves. Pick one statement piece, a designer sofa for example, place it in the middle of the room and call it minimalism.


Second hand rose


Does this whole Second-Hand September thing extend to my knickers? I can happily go without new clothes, but I draw the line at underwear.


Oh for goodness sake. Surely you have enough smalls to last the month out? Have a dig around in the far-flung corners of your underwear drawer and find those ones you consigned as too sexy for casual day wear. Silk and lace are far more eco-friendly than nylon and Lycra in any case.


Animal crackers


I’m told I should be wearing muted snake this season. Isn’t that cruelty to animals?


The only talking snakes I know of are Kaa in Jungle Book, the one in Harry Potter and that naughty one in the bible, so muting any of them can only be a bonus. But I am reliably informed that the new ‘muted snake’ is a fabric print. In some weird attempt to remarket animal prints they’ve come up with this term to describe what looks to me exactly like ‘snake print’. But I guess it sounds far more interesting. I suppose we’ll be wearing ‘stuttering tiger’ and ‘softly spoken zebra’ next.


Foraging conundrum


I’ve been blackberry picking for decades and now take my grandchildren into the countryside to find them. But my daughter-in- law insists on calling it “foraging” and seems to think it’s a new thing devised by millennials. What do I say?


Market it to her as an ancient tradition passed down by the elders to encourage bonding between the sage and the child. Foraging, contrary to what you might believe, is not what bears do in the woods, it’s a millennial activity aimed at raising awareness of our human fragility, our essential connectedness to mother earth, and our inner hunter gatherer. Just keep smiling and carry on - but not in a patronising way obviously.


To roast or not to roast?


When is the right time to roll out the roast dinner? I can’t bear slaving over a hot cooker when the sun is shining, but my family are demanding roast dinners earlier and earlier in the year.


I’m pretty sure there are eateries on the island who’ve been offering Sunday roasts all summer. Personally, I feel that roasts should only be eaten when there’s an ‘ember’ in the month – see what I did there? Or an ‘ary’. Or, at a pinch, an ‘arch’. If you can run to it, take them all down the pub on Sunday and they can pick a roast at leisure, leaving you and your cooker fashionably cool.


Transplanting query


My neighbour has offered to re-pot my fruit trees for me this autumn. Is this the right time to do it and should I trust him?


Yes, wait until they’re dormant – not producing leaves or fruit, then whip them out of their pots and bed them into the ground or larger pots. Should you trust your neighbour? Do you think that it’s just your trees he’s interested in, or does he have designs on whipping you out of your wellies and transplanting you into his bedding? In the long run it may be better to dig your own holes, but you may miss out on some of the fruit.


To pose your problems to Lady Penelope please email office@styleofwight.co.uk 130 styleofwight.co.uk


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