RED GREEN
Quote of the Day “I’m on a 30-day diet. So far I’ve lost 15 days.”
– Red Green
Give me the Eds of the world anyday One of the fundamental differences I’ve
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noticed between men and women is that men like to spread things out and expand, whereas women prefer to gather them in and contract. I bet if you took identical small houses in the country and put a man in one and a woman in the other and then just left them each alone for 20 years, you’d see evidence of this theory. The woman’s house would have a small
tasteful collection of plants and ornaments right by the front door and then an expanse of lawn extending to the picket fence. In contrast, the man would have an old couch on the front porch, looking out over a sea of rusty car parts and broken lawn equipment, mixed in with rubber animals made from tires and a selection of adult-only lawn ornaments extending to the fence and beyond. Maybe the reason for this difference is
women’s desire to make their nest, versus men’s desire to mark their territory. So men excel at moving things out, while women get better at taking things in.
Outgoing is out I remember when I was back in high
school, and it was important to have a personality; my parents always liked the kids who were self-confident and self-assured. You know the ones I mean. They’d speak directly to your mom and dad as if they were great buddies. If they phoned your house and you weren’t home, they’d have a conversation with whoever was there. Parents always like kids with those kinds of people skills. My mom would say, “Gosh, I like that
Brian. He’s so outgoing.” And employers felt the same way. Those outgoing kids became outgoing adults who got good jobs and became leaders in their communities. And good for them. They’ve made a contribution to society and been rewarded for it. Now would someone please tell them to
knock it off? At my age, I don’t want to be around anyone who’s that outgoing. I much prefer my friend Ed, who rarely says anything
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and when he does, it’s always interesting stuff like, “That’s a cop”, or, “Your pants are on fire.” I don’t want an outgoing person bugging
me with their good mood. I’m old, and something probably hurts. I know I’m in the last third of life’s journey and I want the time to drag. So put a sock in it, Brian. I’m going fishing
with Ed.
Tastes change It’s important to be aware of how your body changes as you get older. One of the indicators of aging is the alteration of your taste buds. Here are a few signs to watch for that may indicate you and your taste buds are over the hill: • You’ve stopped putting peanut butter on your asparagus.
• When you finish your meal, most of the fries are left, but the turnip’s all gone.
• You haven’t had dessert for five years. • You no longer put sour cream on your baked potato because it makes it too spicy.
• You don’t eat peas anymore because it’s too much work to chase them.
•
If you eat anything with onions in it, you’re not allowed in the house for two weeks.
An old friend I had an odd experience yesterday. I was
walking through a mall when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw an older gentleman coming toward me. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t actually place him. I didn’t want to stare at him. That would be rude. So as I kept walking, and he kept
approaching, I’d take quick sideways glances at him to try to jog my memory. I could see the gray hair and the extra pounds. Maybe he was a former teacher or a friend of my dad’s. It wasn’t until I got right up to him that the mystery was solved. It was a mirror.
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