DELMER & CECIL
Chattin’ in the village
There’s not DELMER AND CECIL
many general stores left these days. They have been left by the wayside with the advent of supermarkets and big box stores. With the improvement of the road network, people can hop in the car, be in one of these establishments in a short amount of time, and buy an infinite amount of things that previous
generations never imagined. There is something that these icons of
modernity cannot offer and never will: local flavour. What follows is an overheard conversation
between regulars at a village store where you can still buy mantles for an oil lamp, rubber boots, candles and penny candy. If they know you (and they knew your dad and granddad), you might be lucky enough to be in their credit book: “Gidday, Clifford!” “Gidday, Harold, Daryl, Pete, Robert.” “Did ya get that cedar cut that you were
gonna?” “Yeah, til my chainsaw busted, so I took it over
to Burt’s ta get fixed.” “God love us, Burt’s had my chainsaw since
January. He does good work but you have ta time him with a calendar.” “Hey, did you read in the paper they’re trying
ta open a safe erection site in downtown Ottawa?” [All four] A WHAT?” “A safe erection site!” “It’s probably ‘cause all the drive-in movies
closed down.” [Round of Laughter] “What in God’s name is a safe erection site?” “I have no idea, they say it’ll cut down on
addiction.” 44 BOUNDER MAGAZINE “I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous.
Probably a bunch of lefties that took some university course and now they know everything.” “You can be damn sure we’ll end up payin’
for it!” “That lad over in Russia’s quite a piece of
work, ain’t he?” “What’s his name again?” “I think it’s Pukin or somethin’ like that.” “Sounds foreign.” “Of course it’s foreign. Where d’ya think
Russia is, anyway? Near Hawkesbury?” “Well could be Barry’s Bay or somewhere up
there.” “Senators were a mess this year!” “Yeah, that puffy Duffy and Max Harb are in
deep do-do.” “Not those senators, you waste of space. I
mean our hockey team.” “At least we beat the Leafs.” “The Little Sisters of Mercy could beat ‘em.” “Hey wait a minute, I’m a Leaf fan.” “You never were too bright.” “Did ya hear that Noony Waters’ wife left
him?” “Is that so?” “Yeah, she ran away with a tractor salesman.” “Really?” “Yeah, Noony came home and found a John
Deere letter on the mantelpiece.” “Is that true?” “Sometimes I wonder about you, Darryl!” “Well I better get goin’. I gotta get home and
milk the ducks.” “Yeah, me too. The wife made some pea soup
and fresh bread.” “Ah, cover lifters!” “She made a whole pot of it. Why don’t you
lads come on over and have some?” “Does ya have some pints in the fridge?” “Of course.” [All five] Let’s go!” The location of the store will remain hidden
to protect the guilty.
www.bounder.ca
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