your problems
“I’m worried about my feuding family”
It seemed a good idea to holiday with my sister-in- law and her husband as we have children of similar ages. However, they spent the whole time sniping at one another and shouting at the kids. Eventually it got physical and my husband had to separate them. My husband says we should ignore it all but I could see the effect on my children as well as theirs. I don’t want my kids seeing more of the same but they’re talking about another weekend away soon. I think she likes having someone else there to lighten the atmosphere. If I say no it will upset my husband but I can’t bear the thought of even another hour of that. Besides, I don’t want my children to see such an awful picture of family life. Alexandra
Denise says: I understand your reaction but this is
family so I don’t think you can just walk away. Why not talk to your sister-in-law or ask your husband to do it as she’s his sister? Tell her of your concern. Don’t make it a grumble – say you really care that things seem so strained between them. You can also mention you saw how the atmosphere
my children I don’t want awful picture
to see such an of family life
was affecting her children. If she wants to tackle the issue, Relate (
relate.org.uk) could certainly help. If not, at least you’ve let her know how you feel, which would make it easier to decline another trip if you have to do so. It may also
be possible this was simply a bad time in an otherwise happy relationship. A quiet chat will give her a chance to tell you if that’s so.
You can send your problems to Denise at the address given on page 159 or email
denise@candis.co.uk. We promise to pass on all your correspondence but regret that Denise cannot answer every letter she receives.
“My debts have spiralled out of control”
I know I only have myself to blame but I don’t know where to turn. I stupidly got into debt and thought the way out was a loan. I did this behind my husband’s back so as not to worry him, but the interest on the loan was so high that I fell into arrears and now owe twice as much. If I miss a payment it soars again. I’ve even borrowed money from my children’s savings because the lenders are threatening me. Should I tell my husband? Annie
Denise says: You must tell your husband but before you do,
try to work out how you will manage this debt so that you present him with a problem and a solution at the same time. Call the National Debtline on 0808 808 4000 or talk to your local Citizens Advice Bureau and give them the details. They will help you work out a repayment plan. They can also advise you on whether or not the rate you’re being charged is legal. They will tell you what to do about threats and their advice is free. Once you have things clear in your head, tell your husband. He may be cross at first but soon he’ll join with you in sorting things out and restoring your family life.
WWW.CANDIS.CO.UK | OCTOBER 2011 155
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