THE IBIZA SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS
First time in Ibiza? Here’s a few pointers to prepare you for what’s ahead, plus a few tips on the island’s best-kept secrets…
W
hen the intrepid Bear Grylls departs on his adventures, he’s equipped with a Swiss army knife, snake anti-venom, water purifying tablets, a map, a
harpoon... Admittedly, Ibiza isn’t much like the wild plains of Africa (except for the West End on a busy Saturday night!), so for a holiday you’ll need little more than your swimming trunks, sunglasses and a pair of hard-dancing feet. However, for first time visitors, here are a few pointers on how to survive Ibiza and make sure you have the best flipping holiday of your life. Follow this step-by-step guide and you’ll be laughing all the way to the dancefloor…
BEFORE YOU GO: THE CHECKLIST If you are reading this, then it means you are already here - so either groan at forgetting stuff or cut it out, laminate it, use it as a shopping list and keep it for next time…
DAY TIME Returning home with pictures of you bronzed, beautiful and having the time of your life is preferable, so start your holiday by getting a tan. Beaches around San Antonio have sun, sea and sand, but they are also chock-a-block with bodies. Head to Las Salinas for something a bit more glamorous. Not only do the bars deliver mojitos directly to your sun lounger, but there’s potential for some celeb spotting. If you’re looking for quiet and cosy, hit Cala Martina for a down-tempo vibe. Popular with surfers, weed smokers, bongo players and close to the Hippy Market.
Remember to get a good meal inside you - it might be your last. We heavily recommend the mammoth burgers at Pennsylvania Burgers in the West End - undoubtedly better than all other chains of fast food
joints. Also in San An is David’s Pizzeria. The portions are sizeable, but won’t dent your wallet and there’s not a topping they haven’t thought of. But if you want to fill your body full of vitamins before you test its limits, get a taxi to La Paloma near San Lorenzo. It’s a family- run cafe serving smoothies brimming with goodness, and each meal is super-fooded up to the max. Off the beaten track with occasional live music. Totally lush.
Fancy a wee bit of sightseeing? Now run by the Ibiza Rocks brand, the Pikes Hotel is the location of the ‘Club Tropicana’ video by Wham! We can’t promise people chatting into giant mobile phones whilst hanging out on a lilo in the pool, or George Michael in white speedos, but it’s ace for a nostalgic moment. Unlike Club Tropicana though, the drinks aren’t free, but “fun and sunshine, there’s enough for everyone...”
ADAPTORS - a fully charged phone is essential. How else will you make radio contact when you are lost in the deepest, darkest corners of Amnesia? SPEAKERS - the clubs shut at 6am, but that doesn’t mean you’ll want to stop dancing. After parties without music have about as much vibes as Uncle George’s wake. SENSIBLE/SCRUFFY SHOES – girls, don’t you dare wear heels. Nobody will have any sympathy whilst Carl Cox is taking the roof off Space. Don’t wear dazzling white plimsolls without expecting them to get mud-smeared at DC-10 or encrusted with chewing gum and cigarette butts. PLENTY OF DOLLAR - start saving early. Failing that, re-mortgage your house. Clubs average at 10€ for water or 15€ for something stronger. A SPANISH SIM CARD - if you are here for longer than a week, splash out 10€ on a pay-as-you-go. SUNTAN LOTION - slap it on liberally to avoid strangers wise-cracking, “Aye pal, did Laurent Garnier write that song about you?”. AN EYE MASK - posh hotels offer black-out curtains, but the budget equivalent eye-masks are great for catching Zzzzs when the sun still has its hat on. SUNGLASSES - the ultimate essential for hiding a multitude of sins. If necessary, get a granny chain to hang them round your neck, ensuring the two of you never part.
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