you aware of how you communicate with and relate to your Self, to others, to things and to the world in general? Most of the time, people want to make a connection, bridge the gap from singular to One. It is okay to start small, making brief connections with others, your community and your inner Self. Try beginning with a short list of self-affirming statements, which you say out loud every morning and evening such as, “I am valuable because I exist,” and “I am enough.” While relating opens doors to our inner spiritual essence,
there are also aspects of relating and relationships that are much more practical and other-oriented. Navigating relationships, especially if your goal is a positive outcome, can be challenging. Consider Jessie’s predicament, which is not unlike circumstances so many of us experience: I have been in a relationship for about four years and am beginning
to realize that, although I love this person, this is not the relationship planned and this is not the person I dreamed of. This has happened before, when my romantic relationships turn out to be very different than I thought they would be. My question is how do I attract the right person/relationship? More importantly, how do I keep it healthy and vibrant?
“Communication—the human connection— is the key to personal and career success.” Paul J. Meyer
First of all, do not give up! Not only are healthy relationships vital to your well-being and spiritual illumination, the love and partnership you are seeking does exist! The mistake so many of us make, without even realizing it at times, concerns the misguided reasons we enter into relationship(s) in the first place. The practice of self-love and self acceptance in our culture is not openly encouraged. As a result, we tend to rely on others to reflect the self-love that is lacking within our own self-image. We rely on others – loved ones, coworkers, and even strangers – to reflect back to us and tell us how lovable we are or are not. It is time to make your own rules and begin to love and honor your Self in all of your thoughts, feelings, words and actions. The type of self-love to which I am referring is heart-based, not ego-based. Heart-based self-love says, “I love who I am because I reflect the loving essence of my soul.” Ego- based self-love insists, “I love myself because I am the greatest person I know, better than the rest.” You are enough, so show up and let the world know you are important!
And Then There Were Two… Take a moment and think about how acceptable relationships have been defined by your culture for generations. Without even realizing it, we allow ourselves to feel pressured by social and culturally-created expectations of what a relationship, marriage or partnership is “supposed” to look or be like. And, what if you are a middle-aged adult not in a relationship, how is this judged? When relationships do not match cultural or religious expectations, or when the love we know we deserve is not reflected back to us in ways that we desire, we feel frustrated and disappointed. In addition, much of this internal dialogue takes place unconsciously; often, we do not even realize how much we rely on external relationship(s) to fill the void within or to elicit a positive response from others. The most important steps in attracting the right partner or relationship begins with you – what you believe is right for you in terms of a relationship
and, most vital, how you relate to and honor your Self. All of your relationships become an extension or reflection
of what you bring to the table. If your well of self-love and acceptance is depleted, then that depletion will be reflected in your relationship(s). So, start with your own self-healing, growth, love, honor and acceptance. Fill your inner well by loving your Self as much as Source loves and honors you. Most importantly, communicate this self-love with words, gestures, and affirming thoughts and feelings about your Self. In addition, discover what you truly desire from each particular relationship and re-evaluate that frequently. Choose not to let societal, cultural or any other external expectations decide for you what you desire in a relationship, and ultimately in your life. Choose how you want to best communicate within your relationships based upon what works best for you, for example: affirming words, affectionate gestures, loving thoughts, and nonjudgmental feelings. When you no longer rely on your relationship(s) to reflect
or mirror your needs and desires, when you are able to fulfill those needs from within, when you bring a fully self-loving, self-honoring individual to the table, you will find that all of your relationships, and indeed everything in your life, will become more balanced, whole and gratifying. It is within your relationships with your Self, others and beyond that you cultivate and convey love and Oneness. It is through authentic communication that you deliver this message.
We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through. Peter DeVries
Copyright Dr. Kimble Greene, 2012©
Dr. Kimble Greene is an author, transformative counselor, integrative practitioner and speaker/presenter. Dr. Greene is the CEO of The New England Institute of Healing Arts & Sciences and The Sanctuary Center for Healing. Contact info:
kimble@drkimblegreene.com.
December 2013 – February 2014 5
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