Through the Keyhole – By Dory Dzinski
This year has been pretty rough for me personally, having lost three major relationships – my mother in January, one of my greyhounds in August, and my bird in September. All three were different kinds of losses with different textures. Many in our community lost parents this year and I’d like to express my condolences to all of those
folks. For me, with no living parents and no siblings, there is now what feels like a chasm inside of me. An edge of sorts with no guardrails. I have my daughters, of course, but I feel like I am their foundation – my own foundation is now gone. There is no longer anyone living that holds my history, from birth to the present. I have cousins, who I am grateful for, but I can tell you that I am wondering what the holidays will bring this year. My mother was a massive part of my holidays and in complete honesty, I just can’t predict how I’m going to feel. My dog, Lilly, died suddenly in August. From diagnosis to
having to make the most painful decision was only a week and a half. My sweet baby girl was with me day and night for over eight years. Since I work from home, we spent all of our time together and she used to sit in with my clients and students. In honor of Lilly, I am donating a tree to the Wadsworth Festival of Trees this year entitled Lilly’s Tree: In Celebration of Rescue Dogs. I am inviting rescue organizations to donate an ornament and many of my friends, students, and clients have expressed an interest in donating ornaments as well. Creating a legacy is a major part of the grieving process – how will this loved one be remembered? My mom will be remembered in countless ways by me and all of the people, both family and friends, whose lives she touched throughout hers. I hope that Lilly’s Tree brings delight to those who see it this year. Lilly’s memory takes up a massive part of my heart and I continue to look at all the spots she sat in throughout my house. A few weeks ago, my cockatiel Henry gave a couple of big flaps of his wings and then went silent as we were watching TV one night. I went over and he was gone. Seventeen years ago, when I was working at the law firm, my boss came to my desk one morning and said, “We found a bird.” That was it. I said, “Sure, I’ll take it.” And the rest was history. A painter had found the bird on the cupola of his garage and thought it was theirs. My boss’s wife was a huge animal lover and took the
2 The Door Opener
bird in, trying to find its owner. No one responded to their ads. Henry traveled around the house with me. I carried his cage from upstairs to downstairs every day, and back up again to sleep. I would call to him from another room and he answered me. We really didn’t know how old Henry was, but we were so blessed to have had him fly into our lives for so long. My house is so very quiet now. Every relationship is different. The feelings are different. The memories are different. Some relationships are brief – one day or one hour. Some last a lifetime … and everything in between. When you are working on your heart chakra, the home of loving relationships, the lessons are experiential. You cannot work on your heart chakra through reading books or watching movies. You need to walk the walk and do the work personally. One thing we know for sure about relationships is that we don’t know where they are going to lead. We can make our plans and see evidence of things going our way, but we never know. Someone always leaves – be it us or them. They say of pets that when you get a pet, you also bring home a heartache. With the life expectancy of most pets being so much shorter than ours (with some exceptions), we will most likely be saying goodbye to some of the best friends we’ve ever had. One of the most important secrets to keeping relationships clear and connected (tied for first place with forgiveness) is good communication. I see so much connection these days with technology, which is wonderful – instant support is at your fingertips – but I also see so many misunderstandings. I think many people will agree with me that unless you are very, very familiar with the individual you are “talking” to, your reading of their texts or emails is going to be coming through your filter, not the emotion or inflection it was sent in. For example, suppose someone sends you a text that says, “I’ve been thinking about our relationship and I think we need to talk about something.” Just sitting there reading this sentence, what do you feel? Is there an instantaneous “uh oh…”? Might fear or defensiveness be present when the time comes to talk? In actuality, the person who sent the text was interested in going away for the weekend with you! This stuff gets so tricky, right? But it’s all worth it! Our articles in this issue are all about relationships
with many of our authors reflecting on the importance of relationship with self as being mandatory in order to have a good relationship with others. While we all think we know this, I think we have to be reminded quite often – how many actually put it into practice on a daily basis? Make yourself a loving priority so you will be the true gift that you are to others! Let YOU be the holiday gift this year! Namaste, Dory
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