Peaceworking: Parent Interconnection
& Individuation by Jennifer Magnano
There is a certain interconnection between parent and child that I myself first experienced in an emergency room. Holding my sweet, eleven-week-old baby in my arms, our eyes met as he nursed. It took him nine weeks to learn this usually-innate process. And in that critical moment, a moment where fear and love met on the same playing field within a fluoresced exam room only two short weeks later, an inner light turned on. A light that allowed me to see him – really see my child – for the first time. Perfection. Every single baby, every child, is absolute perfection. Even the sick ones. I believe them to be “made for a purpose.” Though often we never know what exactly that purpose is. This interconnection between us fascinated me. Unfamiliar with unconditional, familial love, an exploration began. Tiptoeing the fine line between vigilant-helicoptering and coddling the unwell baby as he grew into a healthy toddler, I noticed two distinct catalysts for a mutually-beneficial relationship of parent and child, and between a parent and his or her self: body-awareness and present-moment peace. Both of these ideal states of being offer either bond with an opportunity for a deeper connection based not upon fear or control, but instead, acceptance. Acceptance motivates. Promoted by awareness, movement, and openness… strengthened with gratitude, acceptance yields bliss. Bliss being the highest attainable goal any person could hope to reach within one lifetime. Acceptance offers up a soul- to-soul knowing, an “I see you” that provides a foundation for future relationship growth. One space to set this foundation for growth upon is the yoga mat. The mat is an uninhibited space welcoming transition, digestion, and experience integration. With both of my children, I have turned to the yoga mat for its ability to heal all wounds – physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and within relationship. Disconnection from the mat, and therefore from the body-awareness that facilitates healthy connections, builds boundaries. There is a fluidity missing, as spaces within the body go unnoticed and untouched. Disharmonies begin to manifest as these spaces become full of the unnecessary “stuff” we hold onto when there is nowhere else to put it. Within the adventure that I journeyed upon, and in my continued padding-along with clients and students today, I found and continue to find that body-awareness within a relationship looks different to each being. Some parents and children have a more physical contact, others more eye contact, and still others seem to be permanently attached by an unseen, uncut umbilical cord – yet they can wander in two very different directions. Body-awareness as defined within family movement classes, such as yoga, offer an opportunity to let go of all that is held onto – especially all that no longer serves a parent or nurturer’s highest purpose within
18 The Door Opener
relationship with self and, separately, child. Simple actions of mindful movement work everything out. This action may be a posture, a yogic stretch, or an exercise. It could also be a pause, followed by the dance of breath coming into an experience. In any movement, acceptance bears great importance; acceptance
of physical form, the mind’s chatter, bodily
boundaries, fear or love, and the present moment. Present-moment peace almost always comes second. When a safe space is found within a relationship, everything else seems to just flow. This is exactly what happened when I gave birth to my first healthy child. Without grasping at loose strings to steady our little web, I could instead focus my attention on the “other” pieces of parenting. For example, I pondered how I could best self-nurture to heal my body in the postpartum period. I was able to relax into the bodily changes that came with having a child. I felt for the edges – the boundaries between what I was fully capable of and what would be too much, too soon. I opened into a place of love. And in doing all of this, defined what the foundation of my relationship with my daughter would be. I also redefined my relationship with self, understanding the benefit not only for my own wellness – but also that of my children. Exploration of these two relationship-building catalysts has brought about a series of movement-based peaceworking techniques. These techniques include: assessment of posture and pelvis, finding the breath, and grounding.
1. Body Assessment: Neutral bodies offer neutral responses. The posture of a parent and the posture of child bring something to the table during both single interactions and overall relationship. Bodies exhibit fear/control or love (acceptance).
2. Breathing: When bodies are neutral, so is the breath. Neither inhibited nor exaggerated, breathing clears “stuff” out – be that physically (foreign particles), emotionally, intellectually (mindless or mindful chatter), or spiritually
disconnect at the same time).
3. Grounding: This particular technique is heart-centered. Grounding re-forms the connection between a person and the moment through physical movement and sensory perception.
(it’s difficult to breathe and
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