Harold & Ethel. Harold: Whenever I get mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper ? Ethel: I just go and clean the toilet. Harold: How does that help ? Ethel: I use your toothbrush !


If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am German, and Germany will declare that I am a Jew. Albert Einstein.


How many husbands have you had ? You mean apart from my own ? Zsa Zsa Gabor.


Organisational structures can be found throughout the animal kingdom. Monkeys form troops, birds form flocks, fish form schools, intestinal parasites form law firms. Dave Barry.


Makes you think ! 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will always be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


My wife and I are getting remarried, our divorce didn’t work out. Rodney Dangerfield.


I still miss my ex husband, but my aim is improving !


4.


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