5. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody


I don’t believe it? In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, too late, but how do you read it !) On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."


You always get one ! And Nothing But The Truth !


“I have not had an affair with Petronella. It is complete balderdash. It is an inverted pyramid of piffle. It is completely untrue and ludicrous conjecture. I am amazed people can write this drivel.” - Boris Johnson in 2004, shortly before admitting to having an affair with Petronella Wyatt.


(talk about a news flash)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.) On Marks & Spencer Bread & Butter Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."


(...and you thought????. ..)


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On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time we have to work on our hair.) On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dove soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's only a suggestion.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save us time?) On Nytol Sleeping pills -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (..and you are taking these because???.. ..) On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help us on this.) On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?) On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (We don't blame the company. We blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish Chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my giddy aunt, was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


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