Social and emotional intelligence
What happens during the exchange of stories is that the teller becomes adept at the emotional and social intelligence elements of self-presentation, sharing, establishing rapport, and influencing positively through creating a context for insights. The listener develops the elements of attentive listening, tuning into another, identification and empathy, mindfulness, and focuses on required action. Jamie Smart of Salad Limited, UK, international NLP practitioner and teacher says: “stories are the ultimate covert communications technique.”
A new style of leadership Stories are also a valuable resource for leaders who practise
reflection and contemplation. Here is an example of a story we use in workshops to stimulate
insight into leadership: A rich young man approaches a monastery and asks the head
monk, “will you train me?” The head monk responds “what are you passionate about?” “Chess,” says the young man “I love playing chess.”
So the head monk calls an ancient monk from the recesses of the
monastery who arrives with a chess board. They set up the board in the library. They are about to play when the head monk takes a sword off the wall and says, “this is how it works. The one who loses, will loose his head.”
They begin to play. The rich young man is distracted and his old opponent takes his bishop. The young man pours himself into the game and slowly gains ascendancy. When he’s sure that he’s going to win, he looks up into the eyes of his opponent, the old monk. Then he goes back to the board and deliberately sacrifices his queen.
At that point the head monk steps forward, unsheathes the
sword, flicks up the board and scatters the pieces. He turns to the young man and says: “you have learned two things - concentration and compassion. You’re ready to begin your training.”
In the discussions that ensue, various facets emerge:
• The head monk did not stick to the terms of agreement. Leaders should stick to terms • That is precisely what leaders are supposed to do. They change agreements when new circumstances dictate • The Head monk did not change the terms. He said the loser would lose his head. He moved the young man from his head to his heart • The key question is what is your passion? Leaders need to know the passion of the people who work for them • Leadership is about timing. The head monk had a perfect sense of timing and knew exactly when to flip up the board and scatter the pieces • Leadership is about knowing how to challenge. The head monk challenged the young man. It was as if he had read him and come up with precisely what the young man needed. Had it been someone else, he might have issued a different kind of challenge.
This rich exchange emerged from just one story. Similar
conversations are opened up by stories about shared values, teamwork, integrated knowledge management, change and transition, performance metrics, decision making and problem solving, mindfulness at work. We believe that the best speakers, coaches, trainers and leaders make use of story.
May 2012 | Halo and Noose 13
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