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KLMNO The Post Puzzler No. 38


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2010


By Mike Shenkl Edited by Peter Gordonl www.fireballcrosswords.com


NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST


Readers take on marriage, flawed parents and adoption


While I’maway, readers give the


advice. On gauging the health of amarriage:


I have a simplemetric formaking a


determination.Marriages need love, trust, honor, respect and desire. The people in themalso need to embody the adjective forms of those words: lovable, trustworthy, honorable, respectable and desirable. If one of the persons stops being those things, or stops working to be those things, themarriage will suffer.


D.R.


On warming to flawed parents: We were brought up by a loving


mother and a father who was cranky and cold. All three of us longed for a doting dad. I finally decided he suffered, for whatever reason, from Tiny Little Heart Syndrome—there was only roomin it formymother. Over the years I observed that the


doting-dad/daddy’s-little-girl relationship was not always a healthy one. Toomuch of a good thing can be as bad as too little. I also learned over the years that while our father was unable to relate to children, he was talented and ethical and funny and a rock we could depend on, and I know he did the best he could. We had a wonderful friendship as


adults, andmy life was the better for his being part of it.Why was he the way he was? I don’t know, but I do know that when he died at 89 I loved himwith allmy heart, and stillmiss himterribly.


Md. On influencing amother’s decision to


place her child for adoption: My daughter became pregnant at 24


and, at the urging of her friends,made the decision to keep her baby.We are a close,middle-class family who were prepared to be supportive of her choice and to be there for her and her child. She talked herself into it because that’s what others told she “ought” to do.


CAROLYN HAX Through the years, I have frequently


been the primary caregiver, been there financially when things were difficult, and have been the one who has done homework, volunteered at school, and know allmy grandchild’s friends. I’ve basically been the parent, and while I adoremy grandchild, had adoption been the choice, I know it would have been the best one for this child. Two parents who love this child and wanted this child so much, contact with the bio family if the bio family wants it, no regrets every day because you know you kept the baby to make others happy, and knowing you’ve done what is really best for your child. You have to understand, it isn’t


because I resent what I have needed to do; it is all about this child’s life. What no one thinks about in these


situations is that women who “aren’t ready to bemothers” aren’t lying about that; they really aren’t, and now,many grandparents are doing the job they had thought that daughter (or son) would step up and do.We’re ready to be grandparents, not the parents. If I had it to do over again, I would take


my daughter out for a long drive and beg her to reconsider the decision to keep her child, not formy sake, but for her child’s sake.


Anonymous


3Read the whole transcript or join the www.washingtonpost.com/discussions.


discussion live at noon Fridays at


Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@washpost.com.


ASK AMY older mom should wear it


Dear Amy: I have a problemwithmy 80-year-old


mother. When she goes out on special


occasions, she insists on wearing shoes with one-inch heels instead of flats. She says it completes her outfit. The problemis, she’s unstable on


these heels. She walks as if she’s on stilts, often requiring assistance. I’ve told her that the shoes present a significant health risk because she could fall and injure herself. Still, she wears the shoes. I believe her judgment is impaired. She


won’t takemy advice and never listens to me. For instance, decades ago I warned her of the perils of being a Cubs fan. She ignoredme. You know the results. Anyhow, I’mwriting to you because


you’remy only hope.Mymomreligiously reads your column; she considers you an oracle of truth (see what Imean about impaired judgment?). I believe that if you print this letter and


provide her with common-sense advice, such as “Ditch the heels, woman,” she’ll take your advice, and the problemwill be solved.


Faithful Reader


Ditch the heels, woman! And get some new ones! Your


mother’s shoesmight not fit properly— or the heelmight be too narrow for her. I agree with you about the perils of


walking on unstable footwear. No pair of shoes is worth taking a tumble for. I bet there is a pair of stylish shoes out there that will fit yourmother and also look good on her when she goes out dancing. So it’s time for you to take her shoe shopping. I also agree with you on the perils of


being a Cubs fan. But baseball is like family. The long-suffering among us see our fate as being the price of loyalty. The best thing about being a Cubs


fan is what happens during the off- season. Right about now, we bury our better judgment and start looking forward to next year.


Dear Amy: As a rule, I amnotmean to anyone,


intentionally or otherwise. I sometimes wonder if this is just


weakness? Sometimes I want to retort and give


some attitude back to people, but even if I feel ready with amean response, I don’t feel like saying it because I think I will hatemyselfmore if I say it than just thinking about it. So, I wonder — is “being nice” a weakness?What do you think?


Too Nice Being nice is not a weakness. But


standing up for yourself is important, too. You can stand up for yourself by being clear and assertive, and by responding appropriately and honestly to challenges. I like to think that we all swallow a


mean retort fromtime to time, choosing not to say something we know wemight regret later. And it’s a common condition to come up with a great “comeback” after the fact. This doesn’t make you weak—itmakes you normal.


Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.comor Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N.Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. © 2010 by the Chicago Tribune


Distributed by TribuneMedia Services


CUL DE SAC Richard Thompson


If the heeled shoe fits,


ARIES (March 21-April 19) Words can change you down to


your DNA. Expose yourself to the very best: the brightestminds and the deepest thinkers. Reading a book could be the catalyst that begins a new era of your life.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You’ll be privy to private


information, and yet it’s still not the whole story. You can, however, sniff out the rest by being observant. Listen to what is said and,more importantly, to what isn’t.


GEMINI (May 21-June 21) To stay energized, you need time to


yourself almost asmuch as you need food. Take breaks in solitude. Go for a walk. Focusing on yourself satisfies a real and present need.


CANCER (June 22-July 22) You are aware of the effect you


have on others. So when you do something remarkable, you expect people to remark. You can even accurately predict what they’ll say.


LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) You do something so automatically that you’re no longer aware of it. Pay


attention to the thing you want to change. It becomes an action you can deal with instead of a habit that’s out of your control.


VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Mental clutter andmaterial clutter


are equally debilitating, and today you will get rid of both so that you can focus yourself properly. You will eliminate stress and anxiety.


LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) You’ve given of yourself, and now


it’s time to give to yourself. You need greater rewards to offset the instances in which you feel punished. You deserve to be treated well, and this starts with the way you treat yourself.


SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) If you address your needs with a


casual lack of concern, others will do the same. Take care of yourself.Make your goals important. If you don’t think they are, no one else will, either.


SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You discover the way to lift your


spirits, bolster your power and enlarge your circle of influence. You give of yourself, and through this sacrifice, you grow.


CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Life is good and getting better.


That’s why you have increased powers of self-discipline. Your life is not so bereft of pleasure that you need to grab it wherever you can.


AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) It’s not about what you look like or


how expensive your clothes are. Forget about vanity andmaterialism. Empathy and honesty are the attractive qualities everyone is looking for, and you have tons of both.


PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) What would your life look like if


youmade peace, relaxation and health more of a priority? These qualities may seemlike distant luxuries today, but everyone will benefit if you put themmuch higher on your list.


IF DEC. 26 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: You commit fully to personal


growth. In 2011, someone special does for you just the things that will impress you themost. Your family life is so happy inMay that you’ll plan for some wonderful adventures and reunions in themonths that follow. September’s event is especially good for groupmorale. Pisces and Sagittarius people adore you. © 2010, Creators.com


TODAY’S HOROSCOPE Holiday Mathis


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