amount of time in front of the mirror, weigh- ing where to part their hair, what kind of product to use, assessing acne, and decid- ing whether or not to shave. And when your son emerges wearing pants that sag as if he hasn't quite finished getting dressed, he may in fact have spent hours getting them to hang at that exact angle.
Self-Critical Feelings Feeling satisfied with appearance isn't
always easy. Many kids who have positive body images become self-conscious or self-critical as they enter the teen years. It's not uncommon for preteens and teens to express dissatisfaction about their appear- ance or to compare themselves with their friends, celebrities, or people they see in ads.
Our culture emphasizes the need to
look just right. Ads for everything from makeup and hair products to clothing and toothpaste send messages that people need to look a certain way to be happy. It's hard not to be influenced by that. You might hear your son or daughter
fret about anything from height and hair to the shape of their nose or the size of their ears — any aspect that doesn't match the "ideal." Body shape and size can concern them, too. It's important for preteens or teens to eat nutritious foods, limit junk foods, and get plenty of physical activity, but it's not advisable for them to diet. Being overly concerned about weight, restricting food, or exercising excessively can be signs of an eating disorder. Talk to your doctor if you notice any of these signs in your kids. Self-criticism that seems constant or
excessive or causes daily distress that lasts might signal an extreme body image prob- lem known as body dysmorphic disorder. This condition involves obsessions and compulsions about slight or imagined im- perfections in appearance.
A Natural Transition In most cases, the focus on appearance
is a very natural and common part of be- coming a teenager. Usually, these expres- sions of frustration clear up quickly and don't warrant concern — just plenty of patience, empathy, support, and perspec- tive from parents.
Still, parents can be frustrated when looks seem to matter so much to kids. It can be a delicate balance to help preteens feel confident and satisfied with their looks while encouraging them not to be overly concerned with the superficial. It's impor-
tant to encourage teens to take pride in their appearance but also to emphasize the deeper qualities that matter more.
Boosting Body Image
As preteens try on different looks, parents can help by being accepting and supportive, providing positive messages, and encouraging other qualities that keep looks in perspective. Be sure to:
• Accept and understand. Recognize that being concerned about looks is as much a part of the teen years as a changing voice and learning to shave. You know that in the grand scheme of things your daughter's freckles don't matter, but to her they might seem critical. As frustrating as it can be when they hog the bathroom, avoid criticiz- ing kids for being concerned about appear- ances. As they grow, concern about their looks will stop dominating their lives.
• Give lots of compliments. Provide reas- surance about kids' looks and about all their other important qualities. As much as they may seem not to notice or care, simple statements like "you've got the most beau- tiful smile" or "that shirt looks great on you" really do matter. Compliment them on other physical attributes, such as strength, speed, balance, energy, or grace. Appreci- ating physical qualities and capabilities helps build a healthy body image.
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• Compliment what's inside too. Notice out loud all the personal qualities that you love about your kids — how generous your son is to share with his little sister, the de- termined way that your daughter studies for her tests, or how your son stood by his best friend. Reassure them when they ex- press insecurity. When you hear "I hate my hair" or "I'm so little," provide valuable counterpoint.
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• Talk about what appearances mean. Guide your kids to think a little more deeply about appearances and how people express themselves. Talk about the mes- sages that certain styles might convey. One outfit may send the message "I'm ready to party!" while others might say "I'm heading to school" or "I'm too lazy to do laundry."
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• Set reasonable boundaries. Be patient, but also set boundaries on how much time your kids can spend on grooming and dressing. Tell them it's not OK to inconve- nience others or let chores go. Limits help kids understand how to manage time, be
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considerate of others' needs, share re- sources, exercise a little self-discipline, and keep appearances in perspective.
• Be a good role model. How you talk about your own looks sets a powerful ex- ample. Constantly complaining about or fretting over your appearance teaches your kids to cast the same critical eye on them- selves. Almost everyone is dissatisfied with certain elements of their appearance, but talk instead about what your body can do, not just how it looks. Instead of griping about how big your legs are, talk about how they're strong enough to help you hike up a mountain.
Having a healthy and positive body image means liking your body, appreciating it, and being grateful for its qualities and capabilities. When parents care for and appreciate their own bodies, they teach their kids to do the same.
Provided by KidsHealth®, one of the largest resources online for medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens. For more articles, visit Kid-
sHealth.org or
TeensHealth.org. ©1995- . The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth®
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Compassionate, Individualized Care for your whole family
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Digestive discomforts
Menstrual Problems and Fertility Pregnancy Discomforts Smoking Cessation Weight Loss
Depression / Anxiety / Insomnia ADHD and other pediatric concerns
Private session and Low Cost Community Clinic available
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stillpointacupuncture.com FEBRUARY 2017 23
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